i had something very poetic in mind to write about this afternoon but i was complacent and did not write it down thinking i would not forget it, but i forgot it. so you're left with this post that is probably going to be 95% incoherent considering its 11.47pm on a sunday night (i know blogger is still showing time as chicago time) and mondays are always hard to face. which is why i'm putting off sleep and writing this post, in attempting to delude myself that escapism is always a viable option (it's not though. really.)
i'm still trying very hard to practice positivity and gratefulness. it hasn't been going very well to be honest. i'm currently having a late night snack: seaweed, a piece of green tea chocolate, two biscuits with biscoff spread. and it's come to that point that there is a bit of everything left and i can't decide what to eat first or last. make a guess. see if you're right. the seaweed went first. i think i'm going to alternate between the chocolate and the biscuit until they're both gone. ok the biscuit is now gone. green tea chocolate wins.
sorry back to positivity and gratefulness. it's just so easy to be negative and it's so easy to complain. i do those two too much until almost nothing that comes out of my mouth is worth listening to anymore. i want to speak in such a way that is encouraging, that builds people up, that strengthens faith, that brings about life. i'll slowly work towards that. let's start with a list of things i'm grateful for this week. i've been making lists a lot lately. i hope you like them. if not i'm sorry, more prose will come eventually when the poetry fairy decides to pay me a visit. watch this - Elizabeth Gilbert: Your elusive creative genius - ted talk about creativity i really enjoyed it (she ends with this which i think is brilliant:
what I have to sort of keep telling myself when I get really psyched out about that is don't be afraid. Don't be daunted. Just do your job. Continue to show up for your piece of it, whatever that might be. If your job is to dance, do your dance. If the divine, cockeyed genius assigned to your case decides to let some sort of wonderment be glimpsed, for just one moment through your efforts, then "Olé!" And if not, do your dance anyhow. And "Olé!" to you, nonetheless. I believe this and I feel that we must teach it. "Olé!" to you, nonetheless, just for having the sheer human love and stubbornness to keep showing up.)
ok. the list:
iced coffee is so good, especially with chums across from me, very thankful for her and how she keeps me grounded and calls me out on my crap gently and always encourages me.
to catch up with nic after a very long time, i don't even remember the last time we met. he's still the same. we're still the same weird insecure friends around each other knowing that it's a safe space to be real. i think. nic right. idk. HAHA. thank you for dinner. also. the cup of hot coffee before i met him was good too. coffee is always good. ah.
dinners with the family. getting annoyed with the starhub tv box cos it keeps jamming. but the four of us being willing to wait for it to unjam. it's actually pretty hilarious. also, for mum who selflessly cooks for us and does so many things for us everyday. dad too, for driving me places all the time. the sister, for always encouraging me all the time and believing in me.
catching up with cassie. met her at penang kitchen and satisfied my craving for their duck meesua. we went for ice-cream after too, the sesame oreo ice-cream at island is really good.
reminded of ac cell a lot this week too, travelling home with a few of them after prayer together, and seeing them around and catching up in bits and pieces. i wrote a bit of a poem about it, but i didn't finish. but this is the little bit of writing that i did:
there was a deep sense of comfort
on the bus home last night
familiarity and warmth filled the heart
with the few of us
together again
it wasn't long, but it was enough
we journeyed together closely
for that year and a half
i understood what
finding family meant
through dinners and meetups and phone calls
through laughing together
but also crying together
and learning how to trust God together
tonight we are on the same bus home
journeying together again
literally
and i am grateful
to have been able to do life with you
for campus prayer three nights in a row. there's something about prayer. i havent had the most active prayer life, but there's something powerful in corporately lifting our voices, arms raised, speaking and believing in faith for His will to be done. my personal prayer life needs work.
joseph linao bought me a roll of fruit tips which was really nice :) i love sugar-covered candy. maybe if i eat enough of it, i'll become one.
getting ice-cream with ziwei and crystal after service before prayer.
swimming again. being underwater is liberating. to pull myself through the waters, and to hear nothing but the sound of bubbles and of the waters. to be engulfed in the waters is a wonderful feeling, of being surrounded, of somehow being held together by water and being immersed in a water body. it's like being part of something bigger but not really. i'm getting very incoherent. to be in the water again was really nice. i remember training for competitions in primary school. i was fast at breast stroke i remember. my coach thought i could win stuff. the best i did was forth though i think. it was still nice to feel like i was good at it.
for llaollao and pontian.
thankful for divine intervention/provision. needed a friend to talk to on saturday after prayer. drew happened to be at taiseng after dinner with his cell, and had a bit of time to spare before meeting his gf. managed to catch him just in time. and though we haven't talked in quite a while, we just carried on from where we left off. to have him listen the way he did, i was grateful for. he reminded me too, about having fun in teaching art, and making art. i always am focused on the doing, that i forget the process (even though that was what i was teaching my kids last week), and it was good to be reminded once again. i'm thankful for the friends God has brought along the way. we go all the way back to sec 4/5 working on coursework/prepwork together. that's like 5 years ago maybe.
for collage-making.
made a diorama for class, and had a lot of fun being creative and making things. i need to do that more. i made a unicorn out of blu-tack. it has a rainbow mane. and two blue eyes.
for extended family dinners on sunday nights. durians especially. almost everyone was around today, it felt like cny.
for quiet bus rides alone.
have a wonderful week.
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