on teaching, kind of.

Evelyn and I had lunch with mr yeo today. He asked us how our attachment was going, how we found the school and we told him about what we were studying in uni. I asked if he had kids and he told us about his three very successful children. He spoke about how he pushed them to do sports and how he felt sports and academics were very interrelated and the attitude in sports will carry over to the academics. He is the teacher in charge of cross-country for the school, and I started to ask him about how he ran it (pun not intended) and if he still runs himself. He said he did and he was still doing half marathons and marathons. Hearing people run always amazes me. I used to love running at some point, but have come to dislike it because I get lazy and bored. Mostly lazy. I think. And running isn’t easy, which can be something appealing or repulsive. I used to like the challenge and would push myself every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday during trainings, going even I did not feel like it, and giving (most of the time) my all for the fartleks, intervals or long distance running. I should run again. hm. Saying it and actually acting on it are two very different things. Mr yeo talked about passion. And how it doesn’t matter if you are good at running or not, if you have the passion, the students will be able to tell and you will be able to inspire them. It’s the same in teaching too, he was saying. That moe may appoint us to be teachers, but our students are the ones who actually determine if we truly are teachers. 

Having a good class makes my day. Good class does not mean that the class needs to do well academically, or do art well, but them just being engaged and interested in their art making and seeing them enjoying the work that they do is what makes it a good class. To see that they have taken something away from class – be it as deep as taking to heart something you say and truly thinking or pondering about it, or as simple as learning how to make a tree out of paper and satay sticks, is humbling. There are classes though, that some plans just fall through, or the class happens to be tired or restless. I have not gotten to a point of being confident of making decisions on my feet and I think its something that comes with experience, that I am going to give myself leeway and time to grow in. it is a challenge, that I gladly accept. Maybe gladly is the wrong word. I accept, knowing that I’m going to struggle and at times just be on my bed and not wanting to do anything but just lie there and wait for life to pass me by (this has already happened a couple of times and it’s but week three). And it’s not that students are difficult, but I think its just the pressure on self, of wanting to do the best I can, how can I adapt to different classes/individuals, and what method of teaching suits the class/individual the best. I used to think that teaching the same thing to a couple different classes would be boring, but each class is so different. And each class isn’t just a body, but made up of individuals that are each very special in their own right. Human interaction to me is so important, and I feel that building relationships and people are about the most important part of life. It’s what gives life meaning I think, to connect with someone, to laugh over something, to cry together, to struggle together, to be awkward, to be embarrassed, to be real.

ramblings/thankful list

i had something very poetic in mind to write about this afternoon but i was complacent and did not write it down thinking i would not forget it, but i forgot it. so you're left with this post that is probably going to be 95% incoherent considering its 11.47pm on a sunday night (i know blogger is still showing time as chicago time) and mondays are always hard to face. which is why i'm putting off sleep and writing this post, in attempting to delude myself that escapism is always a viable option (it's not though. really.)

i'm still trying very hard to practice positivity and gratefulness. it hasn't been going very well to be honest. i'm currently having a late night snack: seaweed, a piece of green tea chocolate, two biscuits with biscoff spread. and it's come to that point that there is a bit of everything left and i can't decide what to eat first or last. make a guess. see if you're right. the seaweed went first. i think i'm going to alternate between the chocolate and the biscuit until they're both gone. ok the biscuit is now gone. green tea chocolate wins.

sorry back to positivity and gratefulness. it's just so easy to be negative and it's so easy to complain. i do those two too much until almost nothing that comes out of my mouth is worth listening to anymore. i want to speak in such a way that is encouraging, that builds people up, that strengthens faith, that brings about life. i'll slowly work towards that. let's start with a list of things i'm grateful for this week. i've been making lists a lot lately. i hope you like them. if not i'm sorry, more prose will come eventually when the poetry fairy decides to pay me a visit. watch this - Elizabeth Gilbert: Your elusive creative genius - ted talk about creativity i really enjoyed it (she ends with this which i think is brilliant: 

what I have to sort of keep telling myself when I get really psyched out about that is don't be afraid. Don't be daunted. Just do your job. Continue to show up for your piece of it, whatever that might be. If your job is to dance, do your dance. If the divine, cockeyed genius assigned to your case decides to let some sort of wonderment be glimpsed, for just one moment through your efforts, then "Olé!" And if not, do your dance anyhow. And "Olé!" to you, nonetheless. I believe this and I feel that we must teach it. "Olé!" to you, nonetheless, just for having the sheer human love and stubbornness to keep showing up.)

ok. the list:

iced coffee is so good, especially with chums across from me, very thankful for her and how she keeps me grounded and calls me out on my crap gently and always encourages me.

to catch up with nic after a very long time, i don't even remember the last time we met. he's still the same. we're still the same weird insecure friends around each other knowing that it's a safe space to be real. i think. nic right. idk. HAHA. thank you for dinner. also. the cup of hot coffee before i met him was good too. coffee is always good. ah. 

dinners with the family. getting annoyed with the starhub tv box cos it keeps jamming. but the four of us being willing to wait for it to unjam. it's actually pretty hilarious. also, for mum who selflessly cooks for us and does so many things for us everyday. dad too, for driving me places all the time. the sister, for always encouraging me all the time and believing in me. 

catching up with cassie. met her at penang kitchen and satisfied my craving for their duck meesua. we went for ice-cream after too, the sesame oreo ice-cream at island is really good.

reminded of ac cell a lot this week too, travelling home with a few of them after prayer together, and seeing them around and catching up in bits and pieces. i wrote a bit of a poem about it, but i didn't finish. but this is the little bit of writing that i did:

there was a deep sense of comfort

on the bus home last night

familiarity and warmth filled the heart

with the few of us 

together again

it wasn't long, but it was enough

we journeyed together closely

for that year and a half

i understood what

finding family meant

through dinners and meetups and phone calls

through laughing together

but also crying together

and learning how to trust God together

tonight we are on the same bus home

journeying together again

literally

and i am grateful

to have been able to do life with you  

for campus prayer three nights in a row. there's something about prayer. i havent had the most active prayer life, but there's something powerful in corporately lifting our voices, arms raised, speaking and believing in faith for His will to be done. my personal prayer life needs work. 

joseph linao bought me a roll of fruit tips which was really nice :) i love sugar-covered candy. maybe if i eat enough of it, i'll become one. 

getting ice-cream with ziwei and crystal after service before prayer. 

swimming again. being underwater is liberating. to pull myself through the waters, and to hear nothing but the sound of bubbles and of the waters. to be engulfed in the waters is a wonderful feeling, of being surrounded, of somehow being held together by water and being immersed in a water body. it's like being part of something bigger but not really. i'm getting very incoherent. to be in the water again was really nice. i remember training for competitions in primary school. i was fast at breast stroke i remember. my coach thought i could win stuff. the best i did was forth though i think. it was still nice to feel like i was good at it. 

for llaollao and pontian. 

thankful for divine intervention/provision. needed a friend to talk to on saturday after prayer. drew happened to be at taiseng after dinner with his cell, and had a bit of time to spare before meeting his gf. managed to catch him just in time. and though we haven't talked in quite a while, we just carried on from where we left off. to have him listen the way he did, i was grateful for. he reminded me too, about having fun in teaching art, and making art. i always am focused on the doing, that i forget the process (even though that was what i was teaching my kids last week), and it was good to be reminded once again. i'm thankful for the friends God has brought along the way. we go all the way back to sec 4/5 working on coursework/prepwork together. that's like 5 years ago maybe.

for collage-making.

made a diorama for class, and had a lot of fun being creative and making things. i need to do that more. i made a unicorn out of blu-tack. it has a rainbow mane. and two blue eyes. 

for extended family dinners on sunday nights. durians especially. almost everyone was around today, it felt like cny. 

for quiet bus rides alone. 

have a wonderful week. 

being back home

I am occasionally (these days, more frequently than occasionally) hit by these intense moments of thoughts, that I am uncertain as to whether to determine them as moments of intense clarity or pure disillusionment.

Weekends are much more appreciated when it feels like I have to work for it. I forgot how short they are in comparison to the rest of the week, after having been in summer-mode for the past month, and even in the past semester, having Mondays and I cant remember if it was Wednesday or Thursday off too. But yes, in essence, weekends are treasured.

Saturday morning was great. It was the first time it had rained so heavily and for so long in the longest time. The feeling of waking up to the sound and the chill of rain, the very heavy kind, and you’re indoors, under the covers, there are few things that are better than that (okay perhaps maybe sitting by the lake with a cup of hot coffee or a warm fuzzy friend, but that’s one of the few). I was supposed to meet sera but I think the rain got us both hiding in our covers, and unwilling to get out of bed, so we postponed the meeting. We were supposed to meet in Holland village, and would get completely drenched anyway. After breakfast with the family, I finally had the time to read for a couple of hours, (with naps in between I think my brain has been mentally exhausted with the influx of information from the past week), before changing up and heading to church.

Meeting up with cell people has been greatly comforting as of late. I came back thinking that I would just turn up for cell, and for service and possibly not make any good friends (I guess singapore always just feels transitory and simply a place of waiting for the next semester, instead of the school semester of activity, and making friends and all that, even though both are the same duration of about three months). I have truly enjoyed being with them though. They went for dinner on Saturday night but I couldn’t join them because of family stuff, but they were still hanging out after I was done. I knew probably that the time I spent with them if I joined them would probably be equivalent to travel time home, but i just needed to be with them somehow even if it was just for a while, before the week started again. gavin told us about his crazy motorcycle experience, and delia her train incident, and we mocked sarah about her imaginary national fencing experience.

Sunday was spent at jubilee day of prayer with them too. It was pretty amazing to see so many believers coming together for a time of prayer and interceding for our nation. There were more than 50000 people all in the sports hub. To see worship songs, like “how great is our God” being flashed on the huge screens was really heartening. There’s something about proclaiming the greatness of God and declaring His goodness that makes it all the more real (it’s real enough already, but there’s a certain power in declaration). The unity of believers is something truly powerful and also empowering in coming together, and worshipping and praying together. As we sang a prayer of blessing over PM Lee, there was a deep sense of God’s peace and His presence so tangible that just came and rested among us.

Behold, how good and pleasant it is

when brothers dwell in unity!

It is like the precious oil on the head,

running down on the beard, on the beard of Aaron,

running down on the collar of his robes!

It is like the dew of Hermon,

which falls on the mountains of Zion!

For there the Lord has commanded the blessing, life forever more.

- Psalm 133

After parting with everyone and taking the train back, one person among the probably 40 ish thousand trying to leave from stadium mrt, there was a sense of solace and solitude, but also nostalgia somehow. i wanted to be in chicago suddenly: 

- in jones with clare and shelby;

- waiting for the train at chinatown with joseph, sonia, hope, yuka, ryan, junyu and tricia;

- with hope roaming the playground at midnight;

- in the car watching joseph and rachel dancing to "through heaven's eyes";

- by lake james (in wisconsin) with courtney; 

- or by lake michigan by myself.

i'll be back really soon though, 6 weeks. till then, it's making the best of singapore because it's ultimately still home, and there's so much to miss:

- times with family, monday and wednesday dinners either watching 118 or more lately, having really good conversations, or just eating a lot, and attempting to exercise once a week together but only mum and dad keep to that i think;

- meeting up with the rest of the moe people, and finally coming back together after close to a year, and still having fun and talking about anything and everything;

- campus camp, realigning back to God and realising the importance of community;

- binglin and her smelly shoes, and visiting aeb colleagues;

- city cycling with gracia;

- cell dinners and cell time and $1 pocky from the petrol kiosk that no one is excited about except me, sarah patronizes me at times so thank you sarah;

- so thankful for alex being back, spontaneous meetups i met her the first day she came back wuhu at acai, and today too. we were supposed to go to botanic gardens to walk, but ended up sitting in starbucks cos the outdoors was too hot. good conversations over iced coffee/green tea latte (they don't have green tea latte in the uk??);

- sitting in my room with sam, and hanging out like we used to;

- simply bread with tanya;

- finally meeting up with people i've intended to meet up with for the longest time, like daphne and darren, and truly properly catching up;

- dinner with delia "i hate thinking"/"but you're a thinker";

- walking around the city with janine (we ended up sitting more than walking and we probably spent more time shoe shopping than the sitting oops);

- spontaneously watching a movie tonight with the family in the living room, and walking out to see the double star (i think it's jupiter and venus but i'm not entirely sure). im really thankful to be able to see stars in the sky despite how bright our city is. though they are faint, they are still very visible if i look closely enough. these are moments that feel as though life stops, and the immensity of the universe consumes me.

i think i am all out of words so i'm going to leave it as that. i hope you had a wonderful monday and that your week will be a wonderful one as well :) find something to be thankful for. 

also, my church is hosting a broadway standard musical that is coming in from new york, "His Life" (http://www.trinity.sg/en/hislifemusical/ note: the link opens with sound that autoplays so you may wanna mute your device if you're playing it in a public space). it's definitely going to be exciting! check out the dates and see if you can make it, i would love to have you come join us. 

i wish you a wonderful week ahead. 

time heals some wounds.

i have in mind a couple of posts tonight but i will get to them as i feel like writing each one or when i find the time. 

met up with a very good friend today, at bar bar black sheep. we entered by the backdoor and the waiter asked if we would like to sit indoors or outdoors. we were so indecisive. we chose indoors in the end. they have an extensive menu (as tanya calls it, i happened to hear expensive when she said it, but she meant extensive). we placed our orders and started to catch up. 

i had not properly caught up with him over the past semester of being away i'm terrible at maintaining my friendships when im away i need to admit that, and the last time we met, i had not fully resolved within myself certain issues that affected us being friends but i did not realise it. only upon seeing him did i realise that things had not completely smoothen over. it wasn't the most enjoyable dinner when we met over winter break, and i was battling with a lot of bitterness, that made it hard to have genuine conversations. i basically just got through the dinner, attempting to be as cordial as i could be. i remember going home with a pit in my stomach.

we talked about what we had been up to over the past couple of months and recent happenings. and it was really nice to be able to encourage each other in our faith and see that we were both growing in Him, since the last time we met. it was i think inevitable that we started to approach the issue that had caused us to stop being friends for a period of time almost two years ago. finally being able to talk about it face to face without any bad feelings, and just honestly and genuinely addressing what had happened. and to hear from each other was liberating. there are some things that just need to be voiced and heard, for restoration to take place. but i think more than that, it was really time. this was one of those time things. one of those situations that nothing but time could solve. and i've come to believe that perhaps, time does heal some wounds. i wouldn't go all out and say all, but some definitely. and this was one of them. i didn't think so two years ago, a year ago, no, it just didn't feel like we would ever reach a point of being the friends we were again, and i felt at certain points, that perhaps it was time to give up trying to be friends at all. but you just know when a friendship is worth fighting for, and you don't stop fighting until the battle is won. 

i am immensely thankful to have our friendship back. it makes the two years almost worth it. 

weylie's story: overcoming depression

this girl is gr8. 

her positivity and her outlook on life is really encouraging. 

i don't agree with every thing she says, like the last part about living for yourself - for me, i live for what God has called me to, but in general, she is someone i respect.

and yes that voice was God, i believe, that was speaking to her. 

"if you end your life at this point, you'd never get to experience none of this (the years after you choose to end it)"

"everything was still the same... but i decided to change my perspective of how i saw life"

"i no longer wanted to be that person that was so sad, i no longer wanted to be that person that had no motivation for the future and i was seriously living each day waiting for nothing to happen"

"everything will pass... whatever the problem may be... you will get past it"

"if you're stressed out, go cry, go eat a donut... just find ways to cope with it and never resort to suicide because it's never worth it"

"time will heal"

"the only way you can stop yourself from moving on is if you bask in your negativity... for me, my depressed stage lasted so long... because i just lived in my negativity"

"when i finally learnt to just let it go and start fresh... it just felt like this rock just came off my shoulder... it is to move on, and to let go of what you can't change"

"you don't necessarily have to have a big purpose... the fact that you are here on this earth.. like you're taking care of your mum, your grandma, or being a good friend, a good listener, like that's already your purpose. you don't necessarily need something so big to define your purpose in life"

"there's so much to look forward to, you don't even know what's going to happen tomorrow"

"take one day at a time"

"unplug from social media, girl"

"if you don't like something, change it"

wew social media should have more of these positive things

i will actually write a proper post soon bear with me

i wish you a wonderful week ahead :)

familiarity

being back at ac today felt so right in a way I didn't expect. I met eunice at breadyard at one-north. It used to be in sutd before sutd relocated to changi, and all of us hung out there quite a bit as it was really near school. i remember a photo I took of Joelle mow Joel and Aaron I think, with aarons face pressed up against the glass as I think Alex and I were leaving and they were saying bye or something of that sort. And hanging out with denise and cla one of the days after school and also we had a b&m lunch there with mdm. It doesn't feel like 2 years, in that these memories are still really clear and distinct, but then again it feels like a long time ago, just because so much has changed since then. 

catching up with eunice was really nice. I just felt like heading to ac after we had lunch. I forgot that we could walk to ac from one-north and eunice laughed. it was just good to be back. Walking through the gates today felt the same as the many times we walked back to school after meals at wahchee or breadyard or starvista to study for another couple of hours, or for a council meeting, or to prep for some event we were planning, or just to hang out. We walked by the art room, to the sac (where we bumped into mr jamin jeow and he asked where my angmoh boyfriend is lol) then headed up to walk along the corridors of the classrooms. 

I remember sitting outside the art room painting till dark (this only happened once when I was doing the painting of my home gate lest joel reads and tells me that I closet and I didn't actually spend nights in the art room), but also hours drawing in the art room and talking to farlow, and spending the whole first year of IB sitting in aircon and not working lol. I remember painting ugly strawberry girl when dom came by to hang out. 

The benches outside the art room was where alex and I hung out and studied and talked about life. and boys. And I remember when we would study till we were bored and we had a phase of running around school, I don't think it lasted very long but hey at least we tried. And to think back now that's where our friendship started, during the seniors' farewell dinner where we somehow sat together and also discussed what to wear extensively on whatsapp together. I distinctly remember sitting by the pond and watching the koi fish too, I think it was with alex I can't remember. I miss her tons, another trip back to AC would be crucial when she gets her butt back from London I haven't seen her in close to a year. 

The SAC where most breaks were spent with classmates, and banmian, hakka noodle, wanton noodle soup, soy bean pudding, almond jelly, ice lemon tea, tehping, and having our pullovers smell of fried food on wednesdays, and still smelling of food every other day too. Also buying mdm tea from oasis, and I remember Joel wanting to buy her coffee so she will go hyper during b&m cos I think she did once. 

The classroom corridors, I remember sitting along them and reciting and recording english ioc again and again and again, sometimes with earphones plugged in when people got too much and I needed alone time, rushing along them to get to classes, getting hugs from schoolmates from other classes along them, making eye contact with crushes and smiling, I remember once a few of us took mops/broomsticks and pretended to be wizards on them and ran down the corridor. 

5.14/6.14 where I was blessed with a really good class of people that still bother to meet up (mostly because Jiawei is awesome and organizes meetups). I remember finding it really hard to fit into my class and hating being in ac because I felt really out of place for the first few months, but after wearing the pink wow shirts with a huge luggage tag across the front together, how could we not have forged legit bonds? (seriously though why did we think hot pink was a good idea why not like robin egg blue or something) but on a serious note, I've found friends that I really do treasure though I haven't been the best at keeping in contact, I am still thankful for them and I know that if I were to need anything they'd be there for me, and I would be here for them too. also for Mdm Angela Ong for being a great pct the two years and putting up with us :) 

Studying with a bunch of friends close to ib, coming to school in pajama pants with lua and mow, I remember also mow bringing a blanket to school and sleeping under it halfway when she was studying, going across the street to buy bubble tea/waffles when we got bored. 

The Astro, where many intense conversations were had, lying down on the fake grass and feeling really tiny compared to the huge night sky. Also horrible times of having to organize the whole cohort for the cohort photo was a nightmare that I wouldn't want to relive. 

Other very distinct but random memories: 

Sharing a tub of ben and jerrys chocolate chip cookie dough with dom for dinner at the old amphitheater and talking about life 

Sitting with Darren outside the art room/ outside the sac playing 'dots' on my phone

Giving barn some exam pack at the pull up bars 

Preparing for tok presentation with nic during one of the weekends and I think Eunice asked us to share a pack of food cos she thought we were a thing 

7D dried mangoes in math class with Aaron and generally just sitting next to him in math class

Seeing Santi before papers outside the Audi and somehow feeling comforted by her presence 

Eating hello panda and studying at the benches with alex 

Council morning duty, walking around with Mattheaus, I remember we did this thing where we tried to guess the number of siblings that each councilor had and which number child the councilor was

familiarity feels really comforting.

感恩/thankfulness

i need to make a list of things i'm grateful for. i've been breeding this negative energy lately which has been greatly detrimental and i need to bring some positivity back. i was reading through old posts and i realised that i used to document a lot of little moments, that i've started to take for granted. so here's to keeping up the happy feels.

the last week in chicago made up for how crazy the semester was. when people ask how the semester has been (since being back i've gotten the question a lot logically), i usually say the lows were low but the highs were high. and the last week probably accumulated a great proportion of those highs. it was something to have so many of us living in the same apartment together, and also spending almost a week consecutively with each other practically 24/7. it made us seem almost family-like. the few of us agreed. it was really strange, yet also very comforting all at the same time. 

on saturday, i hung out with sonia and hope. it was hope's last morning in chicago before she took a bus back. she had wanted to bring me to bee & tea for the longest time, but haven't had a chance. so we headed there that afternoon after lunch. 

i took this photo of sonia during lunch, the light just came in through the window and she was smiling. she's so beautiful both inside and out, i've loved spending the last week with her. she's the most easygoing person i have ever met, and it's just so comfortable to be with her all the time! i think the fondest memory from this week with her was when we were attempting to move a table that she bought from this shop back to her apartment. it was pretty hilarious and extremely frustrating at the same time. 1. it was too big and heavy for us to carry it back, 2. the shop people wouldnt let us take the trolley to wheel it over and wheel the trolley back because people have stolen the trolley before, 3. the apartment wouldnt let us take a trolley over either, 4. we called an uberxl, but the driver stopped at the wrong street and even after us giving him detailed instructions, and sonia even walking over to direct him to us, he refused to turn onto the right street, and was being really unpleasant to sonia and shouting at her over the phone. sonia's really funny when she's frustrated too lol. in the end though, we called this other uber driver who was so sweet and helpful. a passerby on the street was really nice to help us carry the table over to where the car was parked too. always thankful for kindness in the world. and it's always a reminder for me that going a little bit out of your way for someone is something worth doing. the lady from the shop was cool too, she sat with us and waited for the uber to come get us.

on sunday, i headed down to the lake after church. and sat by it for a couple hours, just people watching and enjoying the breeze. it was really nice. there's just something about water. the lake. hm. we watched movies at the cinema that night too. everyone wore flannels. on purpose. it was really cute... or not you decide.

we decided to head back to bee & tea one of the other afternoons. we played jenga. it's such a simple game but so fun. i feel like for games, there is an age that they are really fun, then you think you grow out of it because it appears to get childish or dumb, or you just grow to the age where you think you're too cool for it, then after you grow out of that awkward in-between age, everything that was fun in your childhood becomes fun again. ok maybe not everything, but some things. and you realize that 'coolness' is a dumb concept. anyway, jenga. we did really well. we didn't play according to the rules though lol we were using both hands and balancing it while taking out a block. the essential aim was just to keep the stack standing. we got pretty high (hah). 

the sun was so nice. despite chicago's crazy weather, i still love it. the sun coming out makes me forget how bitter the cold was. it's like a kid being really naughty and then feeling really angry at him, but then he starts being really cute, and you're like aw. 

on tuesday, i met liv for breakfast. we walked around trying to find a shop that sells beads so we could embellish the friendship bracelets that we were going to make, but we werent very successful. we dropped by anthropologie though, and everything in it was so pretty ah. window shopping at its finest. we decided to just make do with what liv brought. we headed up to the 14th floor of maclean, and sat by the couches. i felt in the primary school friendship making zone, we were excitedly choosing thread colours, what went well with what, and picking out beads. parts of me never grow up. we headed to this cute music shop because liv needed to get a few guitar picks. i bought one too, it was this really pretty robin blue. we decided to go get smoothies after. there was a smoothie place really nearby, on the map it said it was near LA fitness, or like in the same building as it, but we couldn't find it at all. and walked around for like 10 minutes probably. we realised that it was probably in LA fitness itself. liv asked the LA fitness counter people if the smoothie shop was inside, and they said yeah. and she was like do you have to be a member. and the dude was like yeah. but its fine go on in. we were so excited and both got this strawberry peach smoothie that tasted amazing. i think the lady made extra smoothie when she made liv's and gave her this small dipping container of extra smoothie, that was really horrendously awkward and funny. liv had no clue what to do with it. i just laughed. it was time to part after, parting with liv is always difficult. i remember parting for winter break, we were standing outside block 37 and she gave me a really big hug. i'll see her soon though!

sonia and i met joseph after, and we headed to go see his apartment that he just got the keys for. it is so odd that they have their own apartments now, it's like you're a real grownup. with your own place. and you can say like "do you guys wanna come over to my place after dinner?" like what. i'm still trying to make sense of that. or perhaps just the fact that we are miles and miles from home and living almost independently. it doesnt make sense most of the time. 

on wednesday, the cfw people met up, minus josh and hope plus calie at forever yogurt. it was sweet seeing everyone again and just hanging out. and forever yogurt is so gr8 omy. 

we took a drive to the crate&barrel outlet, then to morton arboretum the day before tricia flew off. driving around was really fun. being away from the city is always nice too. we stopped by this thai place for lunch and it was probably the most legit thai food i've had in chicago. so what happened was that we parked on one side of the road, and the food places were on the other side. we weren't bothered to go and find parking on the other side of the road. so there was having to cross this huge road with many cars that was nerverwrecking. cars scare me. driving stresses me out so bad too. i remember joseph tricia and sonia just sauntering across the road like bosses, while yuka and i watched so closely for traffic. sonia took a hilarious polaroid of joseph too. after heaving a huge sigh of relief after crossing the road, it occurred to me that we had to cross back after lunch. lol. anyway. back to the thai restaurant. i ordered what mum always orders and sent a photo of the seafood vermicelli salad to her. i always think of family when i try new food, or something i think they would like. i think i miss them most at these moments, in not being able to share little things like that with them. the crate and barrel outlet wasn't hugely impressive or anything. managed to get a french press and a thermos for pretty cheap though. 

we eventually reach the tree museum, and so much green greeted us. we walked around for a couple of hours, and took photos and stuff. i don't know if i wasn't in a nature-y mood or anything, but it somehow couldn't compare to the feeling of awe and wonderment standing before the lake at forest springs. the company was still nice though definitely. and nature is always nice to be in. 

we headed to Mojo's East Coast Eats (2758 Maple Avenue) for dinner. the food was good. the highlight for me though, was seeing this little boy and his dad. he was the cutest, being really proud to have his own meal, and sipping from his own little cup. he kept moving from chair to chair, to the point that he was sitting like 4 or 5 chairs from his dad. i talked to him a little, and he told me he was drinking apple juice. kids are so cute. i watched as they left, and his dad buckled him into his baby seat in the car and they drove off. 

it was a really nice day, the weather was beautiful. 

the sunday before we left, jo courtney and i agreed to all wear flannels. we said our goodbyes for the summer to courtney. joseph gave her a really sweet note and poem and we both watched as she teared up. it was bittersweet. i'm really thankful i got to know her better over the semester. she's gr9 cos gr8 doesn't justify her weird-smellycat-awesomeness.

i'm going to write about the next few days as a whole, it was essentially me joseph and sonia going around doing things together because we were the last few left in chicago. the days went mostly like sleeping until the sun woke us up, lazing around for the next two hours, deciding we were hungry and finding a place for lunch, doing something in between, heading to chinatown for dinner, watching movies. we found this place that sells oysters for $1 on weekdays i think it's between 3-6, that was soooo goooood. oysters are the bomb. we ordered like 30 i think. the place was really cute too. when you walk in it's just the bar, but then they have two floors downstairs, one that has only two tables, then the lowest floor with another bar then a couple more tables. the walls have weird little art pieces on it too, and there's a random door that probably opens out to who knows where that is above one of the tables. the lady who served us was really funny. and kept enticing us to order more. she had to carry a tray of the oysters to us even though she was dangerously allergic to them because there werent other servers around. luckily she didn't have a reaction or anything.

sonia got a projector for really cheap from the school firesale, and we'd just plug jo's computer in, and sonia's speakers and watch movies at night. we watched easy A and batman the dark knight. we started watching crazy stupid love, but it got jammed in between, and we were waiting for it to sort itself out, but ended up all falling asleep till the next morning.

we cycled to lincoln park one of the days. the route there is beautiful, especially the stretch along the lake. everyone was out enjoying the sun. 

we went to work out too. because all we did was eat and sleep.

the last evening, we were supposed to head to forever yogurt to have yogurt first, then to chinatown for dinner. but after yogurt we were way too full, and headed back to the apartment. we ordered in from the restaurant that we were supposed to go to. the damen station was so pretty because of the rain and the late sunset. 

it was a really great week. :) and a nice end to the long semester. 

i'm back in sg now. during cfw we did this list of 15 things we are grateful for everyday. and i think i should start to do it again. but here are a couple for this first week. 

1. times with the sister, sitting on her bed/sleeping on the floor of her room while i fall asleep and she watches the last episode of gilmore girls and feels the deep sense of emptiness and the 'gilmore girls shaped hole' (as she calls it) while i laugh and fall back to sleep.

2. exercising with the parents and realising that though they are three decades older than me, they are fitter than me. but food afterwards ahhhh so gooood.

3. how pretty singapore can be. for sunshine and warmth. (ok i complain a lot about the heat but ah the sunshine is nice)

4. sunday shopping with the mum and the sister like we used to do when we were kids. dad would drop us off in town on the way to badminton dangerously along the side of the street. and before he would stop the car he'd be like "kids, get ready get ready." "get ready ah?" "okay go!!!"

5. buddy. buddy. buddy. he is so sweet. he remembers me. he would follow me and come and lie next to me/sit with me and lie on his back so i'd scratch his belly. he's so sweet. i want to take him to chicago.

there are more things i'm sure. and will be definitely more to come. i will be more conscious to be thankful. :) thank you for reading. i wish you a wonderful rest of the week.