i think being in art school has allowed me to be myself and discover myself more than any other place has. hope and i were having a conversation the other night talking about whether us and our friends would be happier in a 'normal' college or not. hope and i agreed that we wont. i think the me from a year ago wouldnt have said that. i was afraid, i didnt know how to exist, what to be, how to act. i'm really good at conforming to the expectations of others, or the expectations of a certain setting. it was easy to get by in school at mg and ac and church, i feel like i knew how to be who people expected and wanted me to be. but at saic, there's no 'right' or 'expected' way to be. every individual is so different, and the freedom and liberty to be just that is so daunting initially, but now, i am ever so thankful. when you're not constantly trying not to disappoint others, or prove anything to anyone, whether it's consciously or subconsciously, the self becomes so much clearer - like when winds blow and the fog clears a little. it's weird cos i go home sometimes, and people give me weird looks or i feel judgment burning from their eyeballs like i've lost myself or something but i've never felt more myself.
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