just finished ta-ing for my last class yesterday. it was really bittersweet and i didn't really know how to feel after. or during. or before. i remember being really stressed out somehow - i don't think it was so much the preparation of things, or having to go to work, but i think it hadn't sunken in that i wouldn't see all these kids together in the same classroom again. and that's not a big thing. i mean it happens every end of the semester for every class, but maybe i just got possessive, i think it's the first class i have felt that is kind of 'mine' or, i had a part to play in making it the class it was. the students put up a really really great show, to see ten weeks of work up on the walls was so great. and having their parents come in, and listening to them share a little statement on their favorite pieces, and processes made me smile. they were so controlled and shy in front of a crowd of people, unlike their crazy selves in class. one of them came up to me after class to thank me for the note i wrote her and said she'll miss me too, it warmed my heart so much. the teacher i was working with was really great too, our working styles are pretty complementary so it was fun and classes ran smoothly.
school's been incredibly incredibly stressful. i think finishing up the huge project i had been working on for fibers took a lot more out of me than i realised, and now i'm left with feeling the aftereffects of it, being really dysfunctional and perpetually tired. had really difficult conversations over the past few days that just took a lot out of me. there's no time for like, lazing around though, school keeps moving and it's the last three weeks and i really want to make it good. God sends people at just the right time though, i was speaking to a friend yesterday and sharing about feeling overwhelmed. and he didn't even like say anything (i mean he did after and reaffirmed my thoughts), but as i was speaking, somehow i was just reminded that God is bigger. and that He holds me. and that knowledge kinda just seeped into my being. i don't think it takes away the stress nor lessens any amount of work i have to do, but a sense of comfort and peace, and just knowing I am loved and embraced and cared for changed something in my spirit.
we celebrated ciel's birthday with tacos today too, c organized it, we got tacos with the rest of her friends, then clare shelby ciel and me went to southport jeni's to get ice-cream. i said we should go somewhere else cos sarah lauren and me were gonna hit it up tomorrow too, and i have been having way too much ice cream and shakes (if you follow me on snapchat: tingyannn you would know shameless snapchat promo, my snapchat game is pretty on point). but ciel was like no. i was glad we went tho. we took a walk back to clare and shelby's place, cos clare was sweet enough to drive us back to the loop. being out of the loop was wonderful. i feel like the buildings often feel like they're closing in on me, and there are wayy too many people out because it's getting warm out, and everyone is just trying to rush to get to school or to work or to do something, and it's just really stressful just being on the street alone. i dont think i realised till we were taking a stroll back to the apartment. and there was hardly anyone out. the weather was really really nice too, like singapore at night, but cooler and less humid. and it was just really pretty with good company. it made me miss walking home from the bus stop or the mrt back in singapore, and it's just the night, the moon and me. and that sense of peace and quiet is really beautiful, and i think something we often take for granted. we went back to clare and shelby's and ate from this bucket of lemon buttermilk that clare got from work. it was like more than a gallon of ice-cream apparently. like the size of the tub was massive. the idea of consuming the whole tub was scary, but also very doable. the drive back downtown was really nice. country music was playing (that's what you get when all your friends are from the south except shelby maybe not. ha. jk. but m i). i forget how pretty chicago is sometimes.
also other little things, like hanging out with sarah and lauren that one night when they were rushing a painting due the next day for core (ha), and just not really doing anything but being together, and hanging out with caro getting ramen, and fabric, and milkshakes, and napping while she weaved in my room, little things and friends keep me sane. and im immensely thankful to have found people that love me the way they do.
hang in there y'all you got this.
wishing you a wonderful week ahead.
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