i miss my sister a lot, i think we have grown closer in recent years, and it feels just kinda sad that we are each sort of missing a part of the other's life after growing up together for so many years. i think instead of reaching out and making contact i have a tendency to distance myself because it is easier to be numb than to be constantly missing. but i think we are going to skype soon. im looking forward to it.
it's been a few days of being incredibly grateful for the friends around me. 5 of them helped move me and two of my roommates in yesterday in 3.5 hours. it was such record time and we had a great time too. i don't know. something i have been processing lately is the way we accept love, or receive love. there were moments that i just felt bad that i needed so much help to move, if i could i would do it myself. but there were points that we were laughing so hard, and enjoying each other's presence. and they were just helping me unconditionally. it was something truly humbling, i think to receive love not because you deserve it, nor because you are a good person but simply because you are loved.
on another note, it has been more than a month since i have had more than 2 hours to myself i think. the ireland trip was in very close proximity to 19 other students, and 3 faculty/staff; at oxbow we were constantly around others, living with others too. and there is just a deep sense of loneliness - some sort of forgetting how to exist by myself. i know i will eventually love it again but right now it just feels odd and kind of unsettling.
the new place has been such a treat though - to finally have a place to call home. not being in the loop is so great. i feel like i can breathe again - and being so close to shelby too, is lovely. i walked over to her place just now just to exchange a dollar for 4 quarters for laundry just like that. it used to take close to an hour to get to hers from mine. shelby also drove me to target and helped me carry a bunch of crap into my place earlier today. we desperately needed a microwave - which i wanted to buy from the target in the loop and carry it back to my place. she insisted it was too heavy and said she'd drive me. it was fun house shopping.
there's been so much to process. i doubt any of it is gonna make it to the internet, but it has been both a challenging, yet incredibly incredibly beautiful summer of great growth and understanding myself better, loving myself and others more - with many questions of existentialism, faith and also much sass in between.
i hope your summer is going wonderfully :)
No comments:
Post a Comment