i bumped into larissa on the way to get groceries today. class wasnt the easiest yesterday, and both of us just checked in with each other if we were feeling better today. i think we both did. she said to treat myself this weekend in such seriousness as we parted, i thought i'd better ;)

i picked up pancake mix, syrup, jello, coffee ice-cream and coffee, detergent, soap refill, frozen corn, pork that i intend to freeze too, paid and headed home. the cold has hit, and my fingers were freezing carrying the bags. i got home, put everything away. i put on contacts and did my makeup for no particular reason. it had been a while though, that i've put in effort into not feeling like i just got out of bed, there's something therapeutic about doing my makeup somehow. i mean it doesnt have to be makeup, but just any process that prepares me for something - like the walk to school each morning, or the travelling to church on the train, or packing my bag for trips, or brushing my teeth before going to bed, or moving tables to a certain arrangement before starting class. i started working on folding my laundry, and packing up my room a little. my room often reflects the state of my being. i wonder if anyone is the same. it was an utter shithole. it's good now though. i laid on my floor for a good hour not doing anything. the thought of starting a weaving for fun came to me, and i wanted to act on it but i didnt.

i had lunch with jo before groceries too. it was really nice to catch up. i dont think i've properly talked to him in a while.

i eventually pulled myself off the floor, got dressed, and started heading to elena's. we were going to have breakfast for dinner and i was incredibly excited. i hadnt hung out with her in a while too. we talked about a lot. two years ago, i didnt think i would be able to share things as vulnerably/genuinely as i did tonight, and so many other times too. when God said He'd provide, He meant it. Perhaps not in the way i thought it would happen, but He knows best and i wouldnt have it any other way. interactions and exchanges and conversations with people have been so life-giving, encouraging and really beautiful.