i took a drive today because i was just feeling extremely sluggish, and driving an exercise band over to tricia seemed justifiably productive. i dont really listen to music much, but i do like to when im in the car by myself. i'm pretty self-conscious about what i listen to because most of the time it isn't conventionally "good music". if i were to describe it, i think it would be soulful, folksy, songs to listen to on a road trip when your mind is somewhere else. haha. i'm not sure if that is an adequate description.

I was running through this playlist in the car on the 40 minute drive there and back, and came across a couple of songs i liked. but the list was on shuffle, i decided i'd go home and scroll through the playlist and find them again.

it's 2AM in the morning. i watched gone girl with bryan and had to watch another episode of some light hearted feel-good but not great tv to get over reeling from the movie. and i just had the urge to find one of the songs. the playlist isn't mine, and it's really really long. i remembered the name of the song pretty clearly and tried to search it but the song just wouldnt come up. i googled if you can see your history on spotify. apparently you can, but not on your phone. i was already in bed at this point, all tucked in. frustrated, i got up and turned my laptop on. i opened spotify but i think there was some issue with my connection and the page with the history wouldnt refresh. i did a dumb thing of quitting the app, which i didnt realise would wipe out the history. at this point i am like feeling a sense of loss.

long story short, i managed to find the song. and am currently listening to it on repeat.

i think that's what i fear - about memories that i have. that if i don't think about them enough, they'd just disappear.

if you're curious the song was you, me & the sea by green river ordinance. lol.