we've been in circuit breaker for close to two months now! while it is necessary, it is starting to feel long, and the days have begun to melt into each other. i slept the whole day yesterday, giving myself the excuse of it being a public holiday, then i slept too much i got a headache, but just continued sleeping more. my aim today is to not become horizontal - so standing or sitting is fine, but not lying down. i will report back if im successful or not.

it's technically nie summer break for now. there have been multiple transitions over the past two years.

• 2018 was finishing college, then moving halfway across the world back home with all the stuff i accumulated over 4 years, healing from a breakup, then having some hiccups with my plans and waiting around for news, looking for and doing a job i didn't expect to be doing for a couple months, deciding whether to go into nie, or to teach for a year, beginning a new relationship
• 2019 taking on full-time teaching in a primary school (which i hadn't done in sg before), but making amazing new friends and colleagues, and realising that teaching is something i love to do though faced with also the realities and exhaustion of the job, then just as i got very comfortable, having to leave for nie in december
• 2020 starting classes in nie, getting used to being a student again but now with being a teacher in mind too, making more new friends, integrating new knowledge about teaching/art, then i guess this whole pandemic hahaha.

through it all, i think what has been very helpful has been the support of those around me - family, friends, colleagues, sometimes acquaintances and setting goals for myself but also not being too hard on myself. i think it's tempting to shut down, and try to deal with everything on your own, i've done so many many times. and yes, sometimes you need that time just to process, and to cry, or to not have anyone try to tell you what to do. but then after you have figured out what is good for you, what you need/what you don't, to be open to being in community again - letting people in, and also being there for others. 

haha i think some things that have kept me sane during this time was working out with alex, tricia and janine on fixed days of the week. it provided some structure, and accountability. also just having people you know you can rant to about anything/ everything and knowing they will be there for you is helpful. and also keeping myself accountable to certain goals i've set.

after telling janine some of my goals the other day, she asked me a simple but powerful question, "so what are you going to do tomorrow?" i felt like that helped me to make concrete decisions with my day. while lofty, big goals are great, carrying them out is always challenging. i've been trying to think each night my concrete goals for the next day and that has been helpful. 

i've also created this chart (alex inspired) to motivate myself with goals, and chart my emotions for the day. it's been helpful, just to see in writing what i had done or not done for the day.

i've been able to catchup with old friends from the states too, since it's easier to coordinate times when people are at home! 

i hope everyone is keeping healthy and well :) take care!