processing

dad still drives me to school. whenever i'm in his car, i feel safe, protected from the world's evils. it started with my ankle being injured. but it's been a while now. at first it was supposed to be until i can walk, but now it has changed to when i can run and climb again.

 when do we become "grown-ups"? there are moments where i am incredibly responsible, can get a team together, organise some huge event. others, my mom asks me if i want fruits, and bring them to my room. the disparity between being the "boss" in the classroom, calming crying children down, and coming home and passing out next to my dog on the floor is kinda funny. i guess that's kinda nice though, that there isn't really a definite point in which you have to completely metamorphosise from a child to an adult. you can be both at various moments.

 just met sarah at breadyard, and it was nice. i'm very thankful for having friends whom we've walked through many pivotal moments in life together, and have stuck around. breadyard's grain bowls are very yummy!!! i remember in ib going to do a food test for the because joel knew the owner. there was this sheet of paper and we were to write our comments on their various sandwiches. the closest to a food critic i would get.

 nie gives me a lot of space to think. i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing but probably more good than bad. been reading a bit more both academic and also fiction just to break up the academic readings. been having conversations also about the trajectory of the rest of my life ahha. it's like school happens and your whole future is ahead of you, then "the whole future" part comes and you're like man, i thought i would have had a plan. then again, life has kind of always worked out to a certain extent. i know that is a privilege that I have also, not everyone has it going, and i am very appreciative and want to do what i can to make my community better in the small ways that i know how/don't know how but try. i don't think 25 is very old, but it does seem like a weird moment in time where people around me are all at different phases - some still in school, some engaged, others married with kids, most of us working but in various industries... it kinda reminds me of like when you are taking an exam, and you are midway through the paper and you look around - not to cheat, but just to get a sense of where everyone is at. especially if the paper is difficult - whether people have physical signs that they are struggling too, and if they do it makes you feel a little more comforted. or not even that, just to look around and get a sense of how you're doing. hm.