but i'm just so glad it was even published.

it's valentines day - i texted julia with frustration like two days back and we both agreed that our parents would probably give up their couple time so we wouldnt be alone watching rom coms and eating ice-cream. i did buy a tub of red bean ice-cream today though. haha.

i just finished writing a paper that i feel pretty good about. art education has been a little bit of a struggle just in terms of constantly being overwhelmed by the amount of observations to get done, readings, papers to write - also just not having had such academic rigour the past two and a half years. the girls in the programme with me are sweet though, we all seem to function similarly - like freak out and feel like death. but enjoying it still. like for our curriculum class, we basically test out what k-12 kids would do, and we would still be as engaged as though it were our own practice. i suppose teaching would be eventually part of our practice. i feel like it has started to seep into mine already - the kind of (i dont know if the word is joy but it's close to it, just that there are some moments where you're like kid are you seriously saying/doing what you're saying/doing right now, but then they're just being themselves, which i think is really beautiful, and as we grow older we forget how to do that ya know) for lack of a better word joy, or perhaps it's just the sense of knowing pretty deeply it's what i want to be doing in the moments that i interact with students, i am really thankful for. i guess i'm typing in here such that when i get all jaded and overwhelmed, i can read back and be like okay maybe everything is okay ya know?

shelby needed to take some photos for this project she's doing, and we drove to chain-o-lakes state park yesterday. it was pretty epic. we got pulled over by a state park ranger for driving too fast. it was such a strange situation? like it seemed like a joke but it was all real, and he couldve fined us. he took both shelby and my license (even though i wasn't driving but i guess they just do that to check identity). shelby and me just kept laughing nervously, and the whole thing was so bizarre. the rest of the day couldnt beat that initial 'excitement'. a lot of the park was closed, i think hunting season just ended, plus it's still kind of winter-y. but we came across this beautiful lake. it was like one of those scenes you see in a postcard. wooden stairs that led down to the bank. the water was half frozen and half flowing, it was so incredibly surreal. there was this dude sitting with his feet in the water. 

"isn't the water getting into your boots"

"nah, i paid $150 water better not get in"

his name is jason. he just got his boots in the mail and thought he'd come break them in. he brought us to the boat launch area, which was also really pretty. the ice there was solid, i walked on it for a little bit. 

we didn't spend too long at the park though, it was just nice to get out of the city, and drive and hangout and catchup a little. also honoured to have been present when shelby got pulled over for the first time.

after my art ed meeting today, ryan texted to say that liz and him were heading to chinatown and asked if i needed anything. i said i'd meet them there. it's so much better getting groceries with friends. i love love love cooking, but buying the stuff to cook is such a hassle. they dragged my pink and black suitcase along to transport the 25 pound bag of rice back. ryan cooked a full meal of chicken rice for us when we got back. it was lovely. we somehow ended talking about our friendship and the different weird stages that we'd been through, and now we're roommates. i completely forgot this one time that i was just pretty distant to him, and nonchalant. and we had to talk it out in the cafeteria at the art institute. it's bad how i only remember when i am a good friend, but it's like my brain forgets these moments that i wasn't that great of a person. why some people still stick by me i don't know, but i am thankful always.

at a talk by a calligraphy artist last night, he said something that you'd hardly hear in the art world. he was showing us these beautiful hand-drawn calligraphy pieces, and he had produced a few books of his work. we asked if there's anywhere we could buy them. he replied that they were out of print, and said, 

"it's hard to have your work be out of print, but i'm just so glad it was even published."

it made me think about how it's come to the point where i am starting to get proud of what i am making, and at times even feel indignant about not getting chosen for things. that line of his was sobering. 

spring semester always reminds me not to take good days for granted.