a happy day

12 march 2015

i always feel the need to write. it's just something i've done for such a while, i don't think i'll ever stop.

i've been trying to pinpoint things that make me glad. i don't know if it's good to pinpoint them, but i guess i just wanna be aware of them. positivity is something i feel is really lacking lately and i just want to be able to tap into positive feelings consciously. days have just looked extremely packed, with back-to-back working, gallery hours, church, appointments. there hasn't been enough time for rest or lol breathing. today, my art history teacher didn't come into class, the TAs administered the test and we were released two hours early. i had no idea what to do within those hours and looked like a little dummy on the intersection either to sharp or back to the dorms, i turned around a couple of times. i ended up heading to sharp to work on the group weaving that we're doing for class for an hour and a half, made a playlist that i have been so lazy to put together and just settling for other people's playlists that i don't like half the songs of. and i'm just sitting here right now typing this post and waiting for amanda so we can go to find out if our proposals for artbash have been accepted or rejected hopefully accepted fingers crossed!

back to positivity. i've just been very frustrated at all the negativity around me, and within myself and i just think it's so unhealthy, but -- (i stopped the post here)

15 march 2015

Today was a very unusual Sunday. We had built up a routine, a few of us, that we have stuck to religiously for the past semester and a half. Sunday meant I was awoken by Tricia waking up to Skype her parents, going back to sleep again and waking up when the alarm sounded for 8.45, snoozing until 9, brushing my teeth, pouring myself a bowl of cereal (without milk), eating, changing, opening the door for sonia, meeting Joseph downstairs and taking the blue line to division. Church was an hour and a half, then we'd always always go to the Japanese place round the corner for udon/ramen and the amazing takoyaki that reminded us all of home. The owner of the restaurant is this old Asian dude that we have affectionately come to call 'uncle'. He would serve Joseph a cup of hot water and the rest of us iced, because Joseph asked for hot water the first time we came and he always remembered. Joseph would calculate the bill, someone would always end up not having enough cash and we would all pool a pile of cash while the person pays card. Some weeks, we'd head to the Ark thrift store, some weeks we'd just head back. There was almost always a wait for the train. Some days we'd stand in silence, other days jokes were exchanged or laughs or just easy conversations.

We've lately been trying to break the routine. I don't know if it's a good thing. I quite like routines it gives me assurance and like being able to expect things reduces anxiety. But it's cool. Last week we had ramen at wicker park. This week we were supposed to head to urban outfitters surplus store. Have lunch somewhere there. We got the directions there, but it was quite a distance. We also tried to find somewhere to eat along the way, but got a bit lost with the directions. I felt bad cos I snapped at Esther at some point (sorry esther). I get annoyed when the journey takes a while. I felt bad after and realized that we weren't actually rushing for anything. And tried to chill out lol. I've been recently so aware of time. I think I was really stressed out planning for how to deal with all my work, plus art bash (I thought my proposal had a good chance of getting through but it didn't) and going to Seattle for spring break to visit Sam. Time has just been a thing I've been extremely aware to use wisely and not to waste. It has just gotten into my system a little and got me pretty disorientated when plans change. Like just the other day my art history teacher did not come to class and I had two hours in between and I had no clue what to use the time for. Anyway back to today. We eventually did get to the surplus store and decided to just eat around the area. We narrowed it down to two restaurants, an Asian place and a brunch place. We decided on the brunch place cos there were people outside and it seemed pretty good. We got the menus and were deciding what to get when we realized the table beside us was having a problem with the bills or the menu or something of the sort and were having a disagreement with the waitress. The waitress came over to our table and warned us that they were really busy and were having a bit of problems and customers were having normal and acceptable complaints and asked if we were still fine with eating there. We just said it was okay. We probably should have left. I wouldn't be writing this if we did leave though. And not thought about whatever I thought about.

The food took an extremely long wait. The same waitress came out a couple of times to make sure we were okay. She explained that they were very shorthanded and it was only her second day on the job and it was just crazy. We could see that she was trying her best and didn't make that big a deal out of it. There was just a lot of things that were human that were fleshed out. Our food did come eventually, eventually being a really really long time, and it was pretty bad but we knew that the waitress was trying her best and it was really just probably a bad day for the restaurant. Resignation was probably a good word for everyone. I had a really good conversation with Esther, and it was a beautiful day outside. Many of the customers were really understanding too, which was nice to see.

I saw things as being layered 

1. The restaurant was having a bad day/had bad organisation 

2. The servers were new and were trying their hardest 

2a. It is valid for them to be upset with the restaurant 

2b. They tried to do everything they could do make the customers happy 

3. It is valid for the customers to be unhappy

Everyone had a choice as to how they could react in the situation, and how they could react would impact the other parties involved. (today's 16th march) I don't really know where I was going with the post. but i guess even though circumstances were pretty frustrating and not to our favour, there was somehow still a lot of peace, in just being with people that i enjoyed being with, the weather being so so beautiful, and just idk taking things as they come and not being so hard up about stuff. 

16 mar 2015

(warning: this is going to get rambly. i just feel the need to record today down somehow) i'm writing a lot more lately. i think it's good. probably. got up at 6ish to meet esther for a run at buckingham fountain, we were going to head along the lake. i reached early, and sat on the steps facing the lake to watch the sunrise. it was beautiful. there are moments of solitude that are so precious and this was one of them. these moments are probably the closest you'll get to the world stopping for you. it feels like it almost. maybe it's good enough. we ran the side towards the river cos esther hadn't run that route before. we didn't run much though haha we both were pretty low in stamina. i definitely need to train up again. i think back about cross and i dont know how i ever trained so much. that period of time just seemed nonexistent somehow. we walked to this park that i went to with cora when she was still in school, and sat on the swings for a bit. it was really peaceful and nice. the city gets so so noisy and claustrophobic a lot. and these places are my refuge. the lake too, has become a place that i love, and just taking walks and not having to interact with people. i love that spring is here, but the streets are so so so crowded it gets frustrating. i want to go out of the loop more. i should. going to northwestern that day was amazing it didn't feel like the city at all. we started to walk back, and we stopped in marianos cos esther hadn't been. it was as overwhelming to her as it was for me, and she didn't even finish seeing everything haha. it made me crave orange juice and want to try almond milk, but i didnt have card or cash on me. before we parted, esther said we should pray together for the week, and we did. i am really thankful for her esther are you reading this. :) 

we parted and i headed to up my dorm to get my wallet, and popped by walgreens to buy those. almond milk is so amazing btw. pls try it. i got the unsweetened one, cos it was the only one they had but i really love it. imma drink it everyday hehehe. the rest of the morning was spent working on my research piece. OH i cooked chicken rice, i finally used the paste mum gave me last semester. and it is so so so amazing and crazy to smell chicken rice in my dorm. like my brain can't make sense of it. it feels so much like home. haha. and the taste of it too. i still have some more in my fridge i can't wait to eat it again soon. i think the endorphins from running just fuelled my whole day. i'm in a really happy mood which is great. and the weather is great too. i headed to sharp to return a camera i borrowed and to check out a sewing machine. i spent the next two hours sewing. it's so much faster with the machine. i used to hate using it because the strings always got caught and it was a pain to untangle and solve the problem, but once you get the hang of it, wow i can't even imagine how much longer it would take me to hand sew. it has been a good day so far.

 some paintings i did a couple days ago

 esther being a cutie and making her sleeping face all the time

chicken rice wuhu

i'm just really happy today which is really nice. haha. getting really excited for spring break, just to see sam would be enough :) and i can't wait to go home to sg too.