rhythm

life has its ups and its downs. the ups are easy, everyone likes the ups. the downtimes however, it just seems as though nothing is going to work out. though your mind constantly reminds you everything's going to be okay in the end, your heart experiences an ache, a sinking, a wrenching that convinces the rest of you otherwise. you wait it out though, cos i mean, there's nothing more to do than to just hang in there. it passes. eventually. and it hits a phase of numbness, where you just get things done. you fill your day with activity after activity, where the only time you need to worry about is the time in between activities. but those are okay, they are only a few hours at max. you work mindlessly day after day... until, one day, you recognise a tinge of joy again. it's a warmth of the heart, the tilting of the corners of your mouth. laughter isn't just a sound you make to shun the "how are you"s from those that care, but it is something that results from that warmth within. it's just a little grin, a little laughter, but it's still something. you start to enjoy the times in between activities -jamming to music, not just music you like, but weird new music as well, that you try to jam too but sometimes laugh at and realise that nope that's not you at all; cooking up meals, throwing in sauces of different kinds, oregano and soy sauce? that'll work, actually doing the dishes afterwards cos you know it's better than leaving it for later; sketching things that you're not going to be proud of in a year to come, forget a year, perhaps even the next day, but it doesn't matter, you're sketching for yourself. you realise things are okay again - at least until the next downtime hits, or on the positive side, the next up comes along - but okay is good enough for now.

this, i suppose, is what they call the rhythm of life - it's like the rhythm of waves, or the way the wind blows - somewhat predictable, expected, but not really.