home

I dreamt about home this afternoon when I took a nap. It was a very vivid dream.... But I don't remember much if it now, which bothers me a little. I know ah mah was in it. 

guitar-buying :)

written on 16th August 2014
Today was really fun. I have been looking around downtown Chicago for a place that sells musical instruments to get a guitar. But it's weird man there's like no music shop. It's pretty cool though, I went to school to pick up my student ID and asked the people there if they knew anywhere I could pick up a guitar. There was this guy, Eric, who plays the banjo, who got really excited and was like "do I know where to get a guitar!" And exclaimed about a garage sale up north at Lincoln avenue.

We headed up today! Downtown was getting a little claustrophobic, especially after we spent the week plus in June exploring the area and the past few days this time too. We took the brown line up north, it was a pretty long journey. I thought it was long, dad said it was comfortable. Transport seems a lot less scary and daunting in the day. The train passed through a ton of neighborhoods and the houses were pretty quaint and nice. It's such a different scene from Singapore.

It felt like an accomplishment to finally reach the store- the old town school of folk music store (4544 N Lincoln Ave, Chicago, IL 60625). They had the store on one side of the road and the school on the other. Once we pushed through the doors, we were greeted by a whole range of guitars, with bright coloured papers showing the discounted prices, and also a ton of people trying things out and stuff. It felt really nice to walk into a place with such life! And I felt immediately invigorated. I walked to the corner with the more affordable guitars, mostly the travel sized ones, and was deciding between two, when one of the shop people came up and asked if I need any help. I was initially about to reject his help and said I'll try them out myself, but he insisted and offered to play for me so I can hear the sound of both. It was pretty obvious the one with the better sound and I decided to take it. He was really friendly and asked like why we were in town and stuff, and when he found out I was going to school at the art institute, he congratulated me and mentioned that his boss' wife is a dean there. It was just such a nice warm friendly conversation that made me feel so welcomed and at home. He helped to grab a bunch of other accessories I would need as well and bid us farewell with gusto. :) managed to get the guitar at 20% off and all the accessories at 15%.

Really glad we made the trip up though it was pretty long. Really worth it though. Meeting nice, warm people makes the day so much better :)

waiting for the train with my lovely parents (i am so glad they came up even though i insisted they shouldn't initially hehe)

 the shop!!!

Patrick

happy with my new guitar hehehe. 

 chinese food meal after (invisible food)

Sitting in millennium park tonight, with my future schoolmates, it still feels surreal that we are really here in Chicago.

I'm glad I can still see stars in the night sky, like I can at home. One constant right there.

14th August 2014.

 thank you guys for the send off. i can't believe i'm actually here in chicago. it's really surreal and weird. please keep in touch! i miss you guys tons already.

 my favourite (and only) sister, thank you for being the strong support for pa and ma these past couple of weeks, and always encouraging me in the things that i pursue. if not for you, i may be heading over to the UK hahaha. you know me best and ahh i love you loads woman. miss you :'(

nic! thanks for always being there for me and checking on how i am. it's been two years! :) drive safely!!! 0 points siol.

HADI (and all the art kids), hehe thank you guys for an amazing two years together (joel will mock that i wasnt together because i was closeting but wtv), i'll miss you guys a lot. please meet up during the hols!

aunty joyce - for being my spiritual support and always helping me to grow in my faith, and caring and loving me.

 mg friends:') it's been way too long. but thank you guys for the memories. it's crazy how much we've been through together, and will still continue to walk through the journey of life together :)

jon! for teaching me positivity and how to truly love and serve the Lord once again.

family, for being family. thank you dad and mum for coming up all the way with me, and supporting me endlessly on this crazy journey. 

 awkward gang; sorry we should've taken another photo hahaha. chums, thank you for always being there, and waking me up (HAHA about packing and getting organised), for all the meals hehehe llaollao, teochew porridge, shiok maki, and everything else, we're such piggies. aaron, for all the snacks that i really love (especially the mangoes i ate one pack already HAHA), and always being so encouraging.

beth, for always giving and loving me. thank you for all your encouraging notes and verses and messages. 

and everyone else who was unable to make it as well, thank you guys. i am immensely blessed to have friends like you guys. 

 His amazing creations.

 daddy feeling apprehensive hehe. 

 BEAN! (cloudgate) finally here with parents. really different from the last trip, feeling a lot more settled and letting it sink in that this is going to be my home away from home for the next 4 years. 

ryan! future schoolmate. and moe mate. :)  

had to throw in my favourite US gummies from cvs. :D

the next 4 years isn't going to be easy, but God has promised provision and protection over this season (2 kings 1-4). Trusting in Him, and i know that He will walk with me.

childhood friends

It's nice to know that little has changed.

My heart beat with excitement as i took the steps two at a time, to the second level of the crystal jade at HV. upon spotting my two old friends, i ran over and hugged them both. it had been ages. Sam came a while later and we lapsed into conversation almost immediately, as if rachel hadn't been in Scotland for a year and a half and sheryl and i have not met for more than a year. we were so comfortably ourselves and we laughed and joked like before, conversations peppered with anecdotes of our shared childhood.

there were many things to catch up on, the events that filled our lives these past few months we'd been apart. We shared each others' excitement and it felt nice, looking forward to our futures - though our paths were really different, but in that moment, for that night, we were together. and it was nice, and heartwarming and it felt right. 

the few of them have truly been God's blessings (as many other things and many other people have). And i've come to realise that time and distance perhaps doesn't matter all that much as i thought they do - it's the heart that is most crucial. and i'll definitely keep them close to my heart, in my thoughts and prayers :)

where the next few years will take us, only God knows, but i'm sure that we'll all come back together and our lives will converge again eventually.

and i am immensely thankful and blessed.

prettyteeth-sherbabes

 arayofsamshine progressively dropping some ice-cream on her bag

sherbabes, rachelchan11, arayofsamshine, tingyannn/gg95

closure

It's odd.. How some people hit you harder than you ever had expected them too. And it takes a while to reel back in realization, then spring back and recover. The reeling back is pretty quick, realization comes as a slap in the face, but the springing back isn't so much of a spring, as s long drawn process of taking a step forward, then two steps back - until you learn that you have to take a bigger first step than the sum of the two backward steps. Until you finally learn, that what lies ahead is better. And it is. It will be. 

And indeed it has been. There's a letting go involved. Simply the act of releasing my grip on whatever I have my grip on and just letting The Lord come in and take over. And when I truly let go, a certain heaviness is lifted, and I simply rest in the fact that He loves me infinitely more than I can ever imagine. Everything becomes easier. Not that there aren't challenges, there are - every single day, but His presence and His peace walks through with me, the assurance that He has gone ahead of me, the sovereignty and protection of His hand over my life. 

Matthew 11:29-30

29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Indeed His yoke is easy and His burden is light. 

Closure is always good. 

"Despite all that has happened, despite not being as close as we ought to be, I still and always will care for you deeply. Work hard and never lose God or yourself."

ester

met a secondary school teacher, my prefect mistress, today and it was really so nice to just catch up and hang out again. she was one who has always been there, and given me support in the most practical of ways - be it staying back with me to do practices for amath and emath, planning events with us, vetting of proposals, or just even being a listening ear for the things that are going on in my life. though we haven't met in a while, it felt nice to talk to her again. she brought her niece, ester! and i remember the last time i played with her was when i was in sec 4 and she was just 5 years old then. she's 8 now. and so adorable. she was really shy and quiet at first, but she slowly opened up and started talking at random intervals about random facts, like her playing with her frozen toys in hokkaido and sticking them in the snow, staying in a haunted looking hotel in perth, having fox earrings that were half white and half brown. she was just so joyful, and brought so much joy to me as well :) my teachers' car has a lot of polar bear soft toys, ester made me play 'pretend' with her. she said that i needed to be the big polar bear, and she would be the small polar bear, and they were neighbours and the big polar bear was going to the small polar bear's house to play. i played along, and she laughed a lot. 

i was just reminded of the simplicity of childhood, and how these little things can bring great joy to an 8-year-old. and perhaps we should try to take greater joy in the simple pleasures of life!

"happiness comes in little packages." thank you my little bundle of joy, for adding some laughter and gladness to my day :)

4 weeks

it's been a while. 

the thought of leaving everything behind has left me with very mixed feelings. some days i feel as if everything will be okay, like i'm strong enough, like it's not going to be very difficult to be away from home. it's not as if we can't skype, or can't be in contact, it's just that i'm going to be a tad further away. other days, i feel as if it's not going to be okay. and it's not going to be easy to leave. just cos home's still where family is. friends are. 

there are a lot of baggages and burdens that i look forward to leaving behind. leaving behind the places that hold unpleasant memories, that reek of distasteful relationships, of times when things were not okay. 

yet, it's also the leaving behind of the places that remind me of the people i love, the fond memories of joy, laughter, peace, or times that felt as if the world stopped just for me, for the loved ones with me. i think i'll miss the walks home from the bus stop. and looking up at the stars. and feeling as though they are in my reach. and i'm where i'm comfortable, and loved, and comfortable. 

but i know that everything will work out in the end. and that i'm in His will. i'm going to study what i love, and go into the field i can see myself in. and new friends will come my way. and He's gone before me and will be with me, and will fight for me. and that His grace is sufficient. 

i guess in this moment, i just want to remember to love myself, and to do more of what makes me happy - hang out with the people that i enjoy hanging out with, to make more art, to be unafraid to make new friends, and i want to hear more stories. i think stories are great. and to have good conversations. and to love. and be loved. i want to always make a deliberate effort to notice the beauty around me. and to never take what i have for granted. and to always keep close to Him. 

chicago's going to be great, i'm excited. 4 weeks!