tingyan.: one more week/it's been a gd summer

saying bye to delia on saturday was more difficult than i thought it would be. i think it was the first of the many goodbyes/seeyoulaters that i have to say over this last week in sg and it hit me that leaving again is going to be a challenge. this is the third time leaving for the states, and i thought it would get easier. it definitely will be, knowing what to expect and how the year will look like instead of going in blind the first time i left, but the apprehension and anxiety still hits me all the same. after service, delia came behind me and scared me. i was glad to see her. it's always good to see her. i took out the card i made out of paper and pages from a cooking magazine and gave it to her. she offered me a hug and i gladly accepted. i know that touch isn't her primary love language but she knows it's one of mine. she said to keep in touch. i nodded. i think i looked like i was about to cry. she held me and i let myself lean on her for a while and felt really sad.

i have never been the best at goodbyes. i know how important good goodbyes are though. i have a friend who is terrible at goodbyes, like at times not even wanting to acknowledge it, perhaps in some sort of escapism, and it makes the parting lack any form of closure. i remember parting with her once, and how it was so very sudden and abrupt. she had dropped me off somewhere after our last meeting, and she said bye as though it was any other day. i sat in the mall and cried after she left. i would insert a good example of a good goodbye here. but i currently can't think of anything.

a huge part of me wants to get on a plane right now and head back to chicago quietly. the anticipation of leaving is often much harder than the leaving itself.

but the summer has been a good one. being home this time reminds me how sg is really still home. i'm reminded of God's goodness, and how He has seen me through the past 20 years of my life - recalling shared memories with all the people i love, and catching up with them too, and realizing how easy it is to take for granted them being in my life. there are so many friendships that i don't deserve, yet He has brought them my way. i don't understand the kind of patience some of my friends extend to me, and why some of them still stick around. i'm all the more thankful, and i yearn to be as good of a friend to others like they are to me. it's time to go back to school and make art.

what my summer looked like:
(warning: influx of photos/also sidenote photos only show the fun parts of summer there were definitely difficult moments perhaps i'll write another time but these are merely the good parts)

1. cfw