Jesus,

Jehovah Rophe, Our Lord who Heals 
Jehovah Tsidkenu, The Lord our Righteousness 
Jehovah Shalom, The Lord our Peace 
Jehovah Nissi, The Lord our Banner 
Jehovah Shammah, The Lord is Present 
Jehovah Tsaba, The Lord of Armies 
Jehovah Jireh, The Lord will Provide 
Jehovah Rohi, The Lord is my Shepherd 
Jehovah Mekeddeshem, The Lord Who Sanctifies 
Jehovah Adonai, The Lord Our Master 
Jehovah Elohim, The Lord Our Creator

i promise you the same

curled up on one of the couches at maclean today

looking down at the lake

and millennium park

and grant park

and the art institute

and the field museum

and the planetarium

and michigan

peace came to stay for a bit

if i could, i would have stayed the whole night

just to sit on the couch with peace

and assurance

and safety 

and comfort

for more than just an hour and a half

//

Would you walk with me

All the way through

Promise 

promise you'll never leave

Promise me your hand to hold

Your ears to listen

Promise me

That when I stop functioning

you'll sit with me

And hold me

So tight 

Until it passes 

Because it always does

I promise you the same. 

it's a weird day.

tomatoes and onions and mushrooms in an omelette make a good combination
i didn't like orange juice today but i drank a cup anyway
it was nice out
daniel looked nice in his suit today
he was looking for zilu
she was outside
zilu's bachelorette party went well
joseph
i got a lot of coins
we put it in the tip jar
i should have gotten the ribeye
the jacket i got off craigslist smells like kimchi
i don't have any laundry to do
i want to wear it though
blick should sell wooden embroidery hoops
i'm stuck with an ugly plastic yellow one
shelby and clare knocked so many times
the chacos did not fit them
i gave them hugs
i like seeing them
i fell asleep a lot
i sometimes think my bed is evil
andrew sent me a custom made throw pillow
it's beautiful
i just want to hug it all day long
of running together, and art, and special juice, and hunger games
home in a throw pillow
semblances of home
i scroll through instagram
and facebook
too much
too often
too long
i wrote 5 pages of my essay
i have 5 pages to go
i'm not looking forward to waking up
hope came by to say hi
i ate some of sonia's churros
i miss janine
packing needs to be done soon
and the three installations that i need to start working on too
it's time for bed
i never go to bed on time
it's not actually time for bed
it was time for bed 3.5 hours ago
i hope tomorrow is better
but it's already tomorrow right now
i don't
know

the best place to be

i need to write because there are a whole bunch of thoughts just in my head and it's becoming a huge cloud that is overwhelming me. i don't really know what about it is overwhelming, maybe writing will help me figure it out. i don't really know what to write about i think i'll just go chronologically with significant things of the past few days.

friday found me with morgan and liv, sitting on the 14th floor of maclean, before the lake, and maggie daley, and traffic and everything 14 floors below us, with sushi from osaka. it was nice to have all of us together again. i think i've just enjoyed being with people lately. i haven't been the best at making conversations, i never have been, but even worse so lately, but i stopped beating myself up about that and just enjoying the presence and company of friends. we visited the art sale too, which was so cool!!! i want to have a booth eventually and sell stuff. i dont know what yet though. i havent made a lot of art this semester, which stresses me out a bit. a lot of my classes have just been experimental, and i haven't been making pieces that can go into my portfolio. it just makes me anxious to see people around me make so many great pieces, and i have a room full of junk, with bits and pieces from half-pieces, or tests for pieces. but then again, i always think about how the semester has been, and how much i have learnt and grown as an artist the past few months. and i stop being anxious cos i know that the tests and the experiments are processes that are helping me to grow, and i feel like i've learnt so much more about art, about myself, about people this semester experimenting, slowly becoming okay with, and even embracing the idea of not knowing, and just making things in an attempt to figure things out, instead of fully conceptualising a piece and having it be exactly what i had intended to make. i've been looking at ernesto neto's stuff a lot lately, and he said in one of his interviews:

"If nothing changes, if you end up with something that’s just as you planned it, then you haven’t created art.”  

I believe in that. i believe that the process of making will definitely affect the eventual piece. i sat with liv after morgan left, and we just talked for a bit. and it's always so comforting to be with her. 

saturday's fibers class was one of the best ever. liz is the best. clare and me want to be liz when we grow up. we had a really short crit about the embroideries that we did, and liz gave a few presentations. we made her talk about her work. which was really interesting to hear and the process and how artists reach the place they are in the present always excites and intrigues me and makes me wonder and also enjoy the process of my own journey as an artist, and think about what it will be to look back in 10-20 years and what my artist talk will be like. i've been thinking a lot about the future lately, which isnt always the best thing to think about because you kinda lose your present self a little, and i get spacey. but i talked to dad and mum that day and was just assured that things will work out. hanging out with taylor one of the days too, she was just mentioning the assurance of God working things out. and i'm at a good place again i would like to think. of just embracing the not knowing, and embracing the figuring things out, and not trying to rush myself into finding answers, but processing the problems and questions through my work and the things that i do/the people i hang out with. and just trying to be more present i think would be the phrase to use. 

morgan and i went to the movies that night, and to cheesecake factory. it was a mini celebration for finishing up our core video project and how the stopmotion turned out pretty well in the end. it was really fun working with her all those nights in her room, eating chocolate and strawberries and tacos and complaining a lot, but still putting in a huge lot of effort to make the video the best we could. you can check it out here: Untitled (Home is a Box). we had to wait such a long time for our food, but all food and cheesecake and lemonade were amazing. i'm really glad we're both in the dorms next semester too. 

clare and shelby had their show opening on sunday which was so great! i was so excited for them and the show came together really well. i dont know what i'd do without clare and shelby. i think we all go crazy together. or clare and me are weird together, and shelby just puts up with us. but i know she loves us. we went to jeni's to get ice-cream today after clare and me dyed fabric the whole morning. we went into a shop to see plants. cos. they wanted to buy plants. lol. but. they didnt end up buying any plants. i met courtney at damen and we spent a couple hours by the lake. it was such a beautiful day today too. there's something about the lake. and something about courtney. they both have a special place in my heart :) 

also, constants like jo, jun, ryan, hope, sonia, tricia, yuka are always always appreciated. 

i think im done with my spiel. i don't really know where i was going with this. i think i'm just thankful for His faithfulness, the way He brings people to me, and takes me out of my situation to show me what He sees, and how that is good and I need not fear or be anxious. I am always brought back to that place of knowing/assurance that I am where He desires me to be, and that's really the best place to be. 

 core gang

 only the best class ever?

potate pizza understands i am a burrito.

 movie with morgan

 some of the best people

 clare you so beautiful

 we need to go. eat stuff.

you keep me sane a lot jo

we go to chinatown too frequently

i wish you a wonderful week ahead and that His peace be with you beautiful person.

awkward conversations while sharing an umbrella

"I'm John by the way"

"I'm Ting"

"Are you heading to Columbus?"

"Yeah"

"What class are you taking?"

"Painting"

"Is that what you do?"

"Yeah."

"What about you?"

"Installations"

"Oh cool."

"Oh the rain's stopped"

"Yeah, it's been going on and off. caught me offguard"

"uhm, bye"

"yeah"

there's something about rain.

skyping with tan makes the distance seem so much closer. it's weird to see her through a screen and feel as though we are right across from each other. but once the call hangs up, it's as if that dimension closes, and i'm alone in my room again. but i'm thankful though, and always reminded of the friends that have walked with me through the many years, and chosen to stick through things with me even though i may not be the easiest, or the most fun person to be with at times. distance is a weird thing, it separates, yet brings together. i wonder if we will all be in the same country again eventually. maybe. maybe not. but i'll take whatever comes - be it just days that we have together when we're all at home, or travelling to visit each other, or just conversations over skype, or text, or whatsapp. i'll take whatever.

christmas three years ago

birthday ramblings

(this is a rambly post because i'm in a rambly mood)

29 march 2015

it's my birthday today. it's the first time i'm away from home on my birthday (i think unless there was some primary school camp but never away from singapore, away from family). the last part of yesterday we had dinner at umai. after jo's dad said grace, sonia was smiling weird (not actually weird cos she always smile randomly like that but he hasn't been around her much so he didnt know). he asked her why she was smiling weird. she said "i'm just happy to see everybody". it was sweet. i haven't had actual rest almost at all the past couple of days just cos coming back from spring break in seattle meant much to catch up on and there were so many crits last week i cant even. i just leaned on hope's shoulder a lot. i don't love people leaning on my shoulder because i never know what to do and it makes me feel like i can't move. but i like leaning on people's shoulders. especially hope's :). it was so nice to feel comfortable and be with the people that make me happy. i popped by clare's and shelby's after dinner to pass shelby something. i'm like their frequent visitor. i hope i bring them more joy than inconvenience. i bring peace offerings tho. like tea. and. wait. i think that's it. it was only once. haha. i stopped and looked in the direction of the chicago theatre for a while on the way back, and a sense of peace and contentment washed over me. tricia asked me if stress gets to me. i said stress makes me productive. and it was probably the most productive i have been for a while. it hit twelve when we reached back to our room. i was packing up the huge mess that had accumulated in my area when it hit midnight, and tricia gave me a huge hug and said happy birthday. i smiled. 

i slept in accidentally today and was 15 min late for church. i was greeted too by a horribly unflattering video on jo's insta of me sleeping and i think snoring with joseph giving a commentary how that's the sound of someone turning 20. it was a nice goodmorning birthday greeting. i think. i spotted jo from the back because of his colourful shirt with the heart on it and walked over to sit with them. anna wished me happy birthday. it was so nice to see anna. the story is that she is in the same batch as jo and the rest in ib. and jun's friend was visiting and she was in the same school as jun's friend. tricia told me that anna and this other girl was coming. and i was like ok. it did not click to me that the anna they were talking about was the same anna that was my senior in mg. that night when they came and were joining ryan and the rest for sushi night in the boys' room, i walked in really badly dressed with my pyjamas and my coat because i was lazy to take a sweater out of my closet so i just swiped my coat from my bedframe, and asked the boys for money to do my laundry cos their room is nearer the laundry room and i was lazy to go up all the way to mine and have to come back down again. i was like "i have soda for you guys, but i also need money for laundry... OMG ANNA". and she came and hugged me. it has been what like three years i think at least since the last time i saw her. it's one of those weird moments where nothing makes sense, then it clicks and it makes sense again. anna called it serendipity in her card she wrote to me. it was just a really nice and comforting surprise.

anyway, oh wait let's back track. as i walked into the service hall, someone called out to me. and i was surprised cos no one usually would? like it hasnt been too long so not a lot of church people know know us. but i turned around to see James walking up to me with a huge smile. he gave me a hug and said it was good to see me. i said it's good to see you too. church in the city has come to be a safe place that i look forward to being at and with the people there. i saw brianna after church too and introduced her to anna. bri is such a sweet sweet girl and it always brightens up my day to see her. a lot of people have been a blessing to me. i'm just thankful essentially is what i'm trying to say. we went to usagi-ya for lunch. we used to go here every sunday for lunch, it was just a routine, but we havent for a while. and routine is always comforting to me. i got the takoyaki and the nabeyaki udon which were both as awesome as they usually are. i am such a foodie. i came back and slept for an hour. it was a good sleep. i slept till hope and farnaz came to get me to go up to the solarium to get our room for next semester. it was so exciting to finally be confirmed that we are going to be rooming together it's going to be so much fun and so great with good cooking and food and we're going to have an amazing looking cosy room. i'm really excited to spend so much more time with the two of them.

i came back to my room and jo was doing his memory book. i read the stuff he wrote recently and he's an amazing person i've told him that a lot. he is. i'm just eating ice-cream and writing this now. i went to film with morgan after. working with morgan has been so much fun. we are both pretty easy going but also are committed to making the thing look good and do it efficiently at the same time. she said we should hang out more next semester. i agree. i finished filming at 7.30 and i went to tell joseph that we can head to tank (he asked me yesterday if i wanted to go for dinner. he asked in the group if anyone can make it but everyone couldn't which was a bummer but i was like okay it's fine pho's good anytime). he told me to meet him in his room. i headed down and knocked. it was all dark when he opened the door and he was complaining about not being able to find his wallet. i walked in and popped my head in and saw hope, yuka and farnaz sitting sheepishly on ryan's bed and jun in the corner. they said hi and i said hi and was like what is this... and joseph pins me to the beanbag on the floor and all of them start piling on top of each other and the sg people were like "TAUPOK" and then there's ryan randomly screaming and then they start belting happy birthday. it was so sweet of them all :) we went to tank noodle altogether for pho and smoothies. 

it has been a while since all of us were altogether. we were still missing one, but it was really nice just to have so many of us there. sitting at the table - i was just thankful. i wouldn't have wanted to spend my birthday any other way (except with family of course but that's not a possibility here). it hit me, how God is so so faithful. I don't know why i am always surprised. He has never failed. i prayed for friends in chicago, and He provided. I can share my heart with these ones, and be weird and so odd and i dont know why they are still friends with me, but they are. we function as a group, but there are so many significant relationships within the group too, like individual friendships. i don't know how God works, but i know it's amazing and i am so immensely grateful. 

 future roommates

joseph says he can't tell whose face is squished. he's a nice guy most of the time. 

the cutest video yuka made see it on my insta (tingyannn)

 so much love for these ones

pho the win

30 march 2015

bible study today was fun. courtney brought in so many crafty kids art materials like construction paper, and crayola crayons and markers and children's books. we made cards and courtney read out two children's stories from these really beautifully illustrated books. there's something about these kid's books that speak a lot more than they say. or perhaps because they are so open to interpretation that it allows us to think about so much more and what they could be about. i remember the book we did for fundraising in secondary school. i want to write a children's book one day. i should really do it. a couple of books. jo, courtney and i walked together, jo was headed to 162, i was headed to jones and courtney to the blue line. jo was just singing and beatboxing and being in his own world. and courtney was just laughing. and i was like what are you laughing about and she was like joseph's just singing on the streets. and i smiled. he does that a lot. and it's nice and comforting. and he kept doing it. and we laughed. jo left us at one of the intersections. and courtney and i kept walking. there's something about being with courtney that makes me feel safe and at home somehow. we talk about birthdays a bit and part with a hug outside jones and she wishes me happy birthday. 

i head up to clare and shelby's dorm. and i get in and clare's like "uh can you turn around for a moment" i'm like. i'm going to the bathroom. and i come out after and they had stuck a long candle in the middle tiny red velvet cakecupcake, surrounded by five other tiny red velvet cupcakes and it was really sweet. they ask me to make a wish and i do. and i said they had to make wishes too. so we all got a wish. we talked about prom and i show them the elaborate changi airport proposal. and shelby shows us this hilarious video and we spaz out at how pretty shelby and clare were at their senior prom. i love hanging out with them. they make me happy.

bible study today/why i look forward to mondays: courtney reading a children's book with beautiful illustrations to us kindergarten teacher style/ Joseph satisfied with colouring his notes with markers and crayons/what courtney intends to wear to commit crime

clare and shelby are great

thank you for reading to the end if you did, you really don't have to but if it adds something to your day then i'm glad :) i'm just writing cos it helps me remember and i like remembering moments. have a wonderful week you.