october updates

i'm in painting class now. but i completely do not feel like painting at the moment. it's been a while since i've written anything. it's been a crazy time here honestly. work is insane, and everything else as well. not everything is good but more things are good than are not. which is great and amazing. and i'm really thankful. i've enjoyed being immensely busy though. being busy and having to plan and stick to my plan. and when i actually do stick to it it feels really good. but if i don't i try not to stress about it too and like find ways to fix it. things kinda work out in the end. or if not, you just learn to deal with it i guess. and it's all good :)

seeing and catching up with santi was so so nice (':

 sunday jap lunches after church

tricia 

roommates are family

experienced a lot of new things this month would be an understatement. learning a lot of things about myself, the people around me, my environment, and the world in general i feel. i'm sorry im being so general and vague about this but my mind is kinda being a potato and being slumped in a corner of my skull but that's kinda it in a sum-up.

the weekend found me in boston for singsem, but i got time to walk around and explore the place on my own. and i realised the difference between being lonely and alone. there are times that there was a sense of acute loneliness and wishing that family or friends were with me. but other times, i just truly enjoyed being alone. and did not even realise that i was alone. walking through the north end, quincy market, the public garden.. was amazing. truly amazing. i realised how much i enjoy nature, though it's still in the city, the greens and the blues of the public gardens just brought me great peace. being around singaporeans was really nice too. it was funny, when i walked out of the hotel, i was like "oh right im in america" haha. it was a pretty good weekend. if you're ever in boston, go check out james hook and co. lobster rolls. and boston clam chowder at quincy market i really enjoyed. the public garden too. i think that was one of my favourite places.

rainy night in boston

 rainy night in boston

 rainy night in boston

flour bakery

boston public garden 

boston public garden

streets of boston 

quincy market

boston harbour

james hook and co. lobster roll, bisque, fresh raw osyters

so nice of the committee to bring these over (':

and to see singaporeans was great :) johann enjoyed himself more than his face shows it

the neighbourhood i stayed in

till next time (':

been really enjoying working, i feel like i'm putting in a lot of effort into my stuff, i feel good about them. not technically, but conceptually i feel like i'm being inspired and have enough to draw from.

collage prep work for painting

it's the next day now. i couldn't finish writing in class haha. i'm having the spaghetti i set up for a still life for breakfast, and two ramen eggs that turned out pretty good hehe tricia are you proud of me, and drinking earl grey milk tea which is awesome except i think i put too much sugar. i've been consuming too much sugar and salt. i'm going to return in december in a ball, preparin' to get the ball rollin' for food hunts in sg. :p

i was thinking of imagination as i was getting ready my breakfast just now. just how incredibly wonderful it is to be able to imagine. for sure, it's not as good as actually doing whatever you want to do, but the ability to imagine possibilities and feel as though you are living out those possibilities is something amazing. like some things you just may not get to do in your lifetime, but you're still able to imagine it happening. i don't really know how to put into words, but ("geronimo" just played on my spotify ads and i'm missing en right now hehe hi en if you're reading) yeah. my spiel.

drew from 11pm-3am last night and 11am-3pm today too. adding to the two hours in class, total of 10 hours now. i think i've got another couple of hours before this piece is done. drawing has been nice. it's what i feel most comfortable doing still i think (and i can watch movies while i do it hehehe. watched begin again today i love it and keira knightley is wow).

this post was kinda all over the place, but i'm kinda all over the place now, catching up on work and preparing work before next weekend, but i hope you enjoyed reading it anyway :) have a good sunday and a good week ahead everyone!

i'm starting to enjoy painting again

coffee's keeping me awake. i shouldn't be drinking so much coffee. i'm not drinking that much. but more than i do at home. i have a lot of thoughts lately, and i think it's good to write it down. i used to write (by write, i actually mean type cos my handwriting is horrible and i don't think i'll be able to read it in a couple of years. but yeah i should write too cos writing is authentic and it's nice to read handwritten things. but most of the time i type) a lot more than i do now. i used to pen down my thoughts more. putting thoughts into coherent sentences is really therapeutic somehow. 

i was talking to tricia today about there being some people you just feel comforted to see. i'm not talking about friends or family, cos that is like taken for granted i suppose that if you're close to someone it's always nice to see them. but i'm talking about strangers, or acquaintances that bring some sort of warmth to your heart, and a comfort that is unexplainable. somehow seeing them makes the unfamiliarity around me less daunting, a bit more manageable. there are two people here that are just that for me - courtney and sam. courtney runs intervarsity at saic (with a couple of others) and sam's my painting teacher. they both exude this warmth for people and passion for what they do/what they believe in. 

it's 3am here and i've been painting for 6 hours i think. i really enjoy making art. and i'm really thankful to be here. there are few things that take precedence over sleep.

also, i cut bangs on impulse two days ago. and for once i don't regret it. i quite like it/them (is bangs singular or plural i dont even know) actually. :)

Our God is Greater.

this week, though it passed really quickly, was really really difficult. definitely the hardest week in chicago so far. monday found me late for class. i had art history that started at 9. when i got up, it was 9.10am. my prof is pretty strict about lateness, absenteeism and sleeping in class. he mentioned that if you were to arrive 5 minutes late, you would be marked as late. if you hit the 30 minute mark, you'd be marked absent and be asked to leave. i started panicking and took a couple of minutes to decide whether even to turn up, whether it'd be worth it to risk being publicly asked to leave. a huge part of me didnt wanna miss class, just cos it was a good class, and the discussions are really intense and i know i'd miss out. i threw on a hoodie and jeans and rushed out. thank God the train arrived immediately as i reached the platform. once it hit the stop, i was up and running to my classroom to meet the 9.30am mark. i remember being in the lift going up and looking at the time, 9.28am. i made it right on the dot. i opened the door and the prof just stared at me. i said "sir, sorry do you want me to leave?" he just motioned me to come in quickly. it was a mad rush, and the rest of the day passed by really slowly, and really relaxed... throughout the rush though, i wasn't like particularly anxious or anything, part of me knew that it would all work out. i think i've learnt to depend on God a little more, not even in a supernatural sense, but just knowing that He is there, and with Him there is peace. 

the rest of the week passed by in a flu-rry (hurhur), really had to drag myself to classes on wednesday and friday and was in bed the whole of thursday. it was the first time since i got here that i truly truly felt homesick, missing the familiarity of home, the people, the places, mum and dad and the sister. when people say "i have food at home" or "i wanna go home", referring to the dorms, a part of me screams "that is not home". at first, i thought it's weakness, and that i really shouldn't feel this way, and that i should just suck it up and be okay. but i realised it's okay to let myself feel, to cry when i need to cry, to ask for help when i need it. and when i've done all that i have needed to do to get all these feelings out of my system, to smile and be strong and know that things are going to be okay. 

there's a lot of looking beyond myself as well, i think when i realise that i am small in relation to the city around me and the country, and the universe (that escalated quickly), that i realise that the things that i struggle with aren't that big afterall, and that my God is greater. on thursday night, after sleeping the whole day away, and eyes puffy from crying, i pulled myself out of bed and decided to take a walk to buckingham fountain. the city usually looks amazing to me, like i am constantly in awe of how pretty the city is. but that night, i couldn't bring myself to think that anything looked pretty. i just walked for the sake of walking - to enjoy the cold a bit and just to get out of the house and out of my thoughts. i met 3 people along the way and i'm going to tell you about them and what they meant to me. 

1. near the museum, hidden in a corner, i saw a girl sobbing. she was really just sobbing and crying her eyes out (what i was doing probably two hours back). i sat next to her and asked her if she's okay (dumb question, obviously not but it was the easiest way to start a conversation haha), and i put my arm around her. she just continued crying for a bit. she said it was depression. i just sat with her for a bit until she was ready to leave. she asked me where i was going. i said i didn't really know, i was just taking a walk and asked if she wanted to walk with me. she didn't take up my offer but she thanked me anyways and left. 

2. i was rounding columbus, when a chinese lady came up to me to ask for directions to the museum entrance with the lions. on finding out i could speak chinese, the conversation became a lot easier. she asked where i was studying. i said art. she said that's good art is good. i asked her what brings her to chicago. she said she's touring with her friend and they were supposed to meet at the entrance with the lions. i asked if she needed me to walk her over, she said it's fine and clarified the directions again. we parted at the intersection. 

3. after walking down to buckingham fountain - sidenote, it wasn't probably even to see the fountain, i realised upon getting there that i knew how it would look like and i could picture the walk there, but it was more just of a destination to reach and something to mark off what i intended to do when i set off for the walk - i was headed back to the dorms when i decided i should probably stop putting off getting my baking stuff and go and actually get them. i needed trays and butter and baking-related items, the dorms don't provide any not that i expected them to. i headed into target and picked up everything i needed and queued to pay. the cashier was a girl a couple of years older than me. baking? she asked. yup i said. chocolate chip muffins? yup! she said chocolate chip muffins sound good right now. i asked if she had a long day and she said yeah. and proceeded to tell me about her schedule and how thursday was her longest day, cos she does boxing from 6 ish to 7 ish, school from 9ish to 3 ish and she works 4-10pm and she has to commute home after. she said she just started school two weeks ago and is doing her masters and that it is hard to get back into the routine of school after a couple of years and though it is only till the summer of 2015, it is still a challenge. i told her it's going to be friday soon and to hang in there! the customers behind me gave her smiles of encouragements as well. i thanked her and she told me to have a good night. i did have a good night afterall. 

1, to me, showed me that everyone is facing their own battles, their own challenges. 2, we are all directionless at some point, and lost and confused, and that's okay. 3, we'll figure things out along the way - and know what we want to do, for the next season, for her it was her masters, for others it could be other things, but we eventually figure things out step by step. and though there are struggles along the way, to truly just hang in there and make the best out of whatever you're in. 

all in all, that people need people. and the little interaction i had with each one of these three people just spoke to be so greatly about that. there is some sort of alone-ness - that we each have our own battles, and even in this season i feel like i'm being taught how to truly be independent of people, and dependent on God alone - but also in everything, that truly people are important. and relationships are important and worth investing in. 

that concludes my very long string of thoughts that sums up this week. :) i'm going to leave you with some pretty pictures of chicago. 

have a good week y'all. thanks for stopping by. :)

gracialamisaqtpiesomi.

skyped with gracia yesterday, and i am so immensely blessed to have met her through moe. muhaha idk if she'll want this photo up but wtv.

we are so weird

aic library sketches, thriftshop, woods

school has started, had classes last wednesday and friday. it's been really nice to finally start getting into art. for our research class, our teacher got us to do a portrait of ourselves/anything that we want in the form of a diagram. it was fun to just let the mind wander and to not feel restricted by tight boundaries and instruction. yet that kind of new found haha independence and freedom in our art caught us offguard as well, not knowing where to start. but it was fun. it's crazy to hear how the different works conveyed the stories of various individuals, and how conversations could get deep really quickly. it's scary i think, doing art, because it makes you vulnerable to your audience.

went to the Ryerson and Burnham Libraries at the Art Institute to check out this special exhibition they had "Around the World in Travel Sketches", displaying sketches of artists as they travelled the world. it's really cool to see like their rough work, and the way they captured the scenes before them - be it in colours, or strokes, or how the light falls on the buildings, or they feelings they evoke. 

it's the labour day weekend and campuslife has organised day trips that bring students to various parts of the city. we went to lakeview/belmont area thrift stores on saturday. it was nice to be in the neighbourhoods and out of the city for a little bit. the streets and houses are so pretty.. very much different from the way singapore is obviously. haha.

walking through the streets

mehrnoosh and tricia

really good korean bbq food from Crisp, 2940 N. Broadway Chicago

thrifted from: Plato's Closet, 2817 N Broadway, Chicago, IL 60614.

i should thrift more. these were 7 and 10 respectively :O

shots from an evening run, chicago is really really pretty it leaves me in awe

God's creation even more so.. the sky was incredible

On sunday, we went to thatcher woods. i think most of us expected a like nature reserve somewhat, with proper paths and everything, but it was really the woods as raw and real as it was. it was pretty though, except for mosquitoes (im scratching a bite on my pinky as i type).

it's always nice to be in nature once in a while.

was really tired after the trips and took a nap. this is what i saw when i woke up.

it's odd to be in another city. in my research class, one of the girls was saying how her artwork conveyed that despite being in america for more than a decade, she still does not feel like it is home. and my teacher was saying she doesnt think it would ever feel at home if you're not born here. i think each of us feels a certain connection to where our roots are. singapore will always always be home i feel. at this point in time anyway. it's where i grew up, where most of who i am originates from, where the people i love are. then again, when i return back after 4 years for good, it would have had changed drastically im sure, and things and places would be different - it will never be the same as when i left on 14th august 2014. perhaps then, there's never somewhere we can truly call "home". i'm not too sure. i'll let you guys know when i've lived here a little longer. and have more coherent thoughts on this matter.

it's good though, to be away. i feel as though my worldview has broadened a lot more over the past few weeks, just being exposed to a myriad of different people, things, experiences. and yet there's still so much more to learn.

i think it's also recognizing that in every situation, He is the only constant. and being aware and recognizing His presence in my life each and everyday. it's so easy to get all caught up in the new, and letting myself go with everything that comes my way. got an email from delia, and have been getting texts from pkaf to ask me how i am and everything, and i'm really thankful to have people keeping me in check, despite being 15062 km (acc to google hahaha) away.

i hope everyone is well. :) i'll end this post with a psalm.

I lift up my eyes to the mountains— 

where does my help come from? 

My help comes from the Lord, 

the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip— 

he who watches over you will not slumber; 

indeed, he who watches over Israel 

will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you— 

the Lord is your shade at your right hand; 

the sun will not harm you by day, 

nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm— 

he will watch over your life; 

the Lord will watch over your coming and going 

both now and forevermore.

- Psalm 121

moments

'moment' is defined as "An exact point in time". 

there are times when i feel as though life just stops for a while, the world stops being busy, my mind stops being cluttered, and there's a certain peace that permeates my entire being. these are rare moments, that come by very occasionally. it's easy to tell when they come. you just know it. i just know it. i try to enjoy every minute of the moment, knowing that at any point, it'll be over. 

you'll know when it's over: life goes back to it's pace, taking me along with it, the world gets busy, and i know it's reality again. not in any depressive sense, but just matter-of-factly. the moment has passed.

i treasure each of these "exact point[s] in time" and the people i share them with. 

greens are good for you tingyan.

i should make salad more often. it takes such a painfully long time to eat up all the leaves and the greens. i get full halfway just cos i get bored of eating the leaves HAHAHA. i'm proud i didn't succumb to maggimee today. 

don't mind the half eaten cucumber. lol.