I always get nervous about writing blogposts, because whenever I want to write them I seem to forget what I want to write about/not be able to convey it properly somehow. But im gonna suck it up and do it anyway. R u proud of me yet? I was going to apologize for being away for so long but I realized it’s my blog and I can do what I want. Also, I just watched a gracehelbig video and m feeling exceptionally sassy. Lol.
Today has been one of the best days I have had in a while. I don’t think I have felt so fully ‘myself’ in a while. I don’t like that phrase because what does that even mean. But I think you know the feel. Of just being so very comfortable in my own skin, and feeling like all’s good and having people around me that are so very familiar and being the very demanding person that I am but having friends know that im just kidding but not really but you know what I mean if you are my friend. Aha. Im very out of touch from writing a blogpost. These are how thoughts flow in my brain.
I met Janine in the morning to tan. It was wonderful. But very insanely hot. We were both not supposed to come home this break, but both wanted to. I think it was comforting to know and not feel weak for wanting to be home and be in a comfortable environment again. somehow knowing that there’s someone else who is in your situation too, makes it okay. Or reaffirms that you aren’t the only one struggling, and maybe it’s okay to struggle you know. I haven’t seen her in what feels like the longest time but conversation just picked up as though we never left, in between complaining about the heat and feeling like everything is about to burn off, and attempting to suck up tomyam/yum woon sen noodles/thai iced tea without using our lips. Friendship is not pretty a lot of the time. Deep. But I am so thankful for her, and our friendship and for God just letting us cross paths. It’s moments like these that there has to be God somewhere out there to orchestrate these friendships really. Or the bringing together of people like that.
We met the cc afterwards too, and it’s always a group that has gone through enough to know each other so well. I think we talked most about how we have each changed. It was very life giving to hear friends talk about their lives, and just so much joy to see how well each of them are doing. Like genuinely feeling warm fuzzy feelings and having the knowledge during graduation like ‘so and so is going to do so well in life’ being something that is a fact and something that you see happen before your very eyes and each time you meet, it’s like they are becoming more and more of the person that you know they have been created to be. It’s not saying that they don’t struggle. They do. So well. But they pull through it, grit their teeth through it, cry through it, but they pull through and they hold on and I am so proud of the kind of strength they have and their willingness to fight through the ambiguity and discomfort and the not knowing. And there’s so much we each still do not know. But I just felt so incredibly blessed to know that regardless of how far apart we may be, or how long we have not met up, that they are still a group that I know I can trust my heart with, trust telling things that I may feel vulnerable about with and know that they will support me through it, and believe in me or cry with me or pray with me. I am so incredibly thankful for them.
I took the train to Holland v after to meet a couple of classmates that I haven’t seen in a while. Do you know that with the downtown line it only takes less than 20 minutes to get from orchard to hv, like what, like wow. Thank you transportation system. I was very exhausted by this time, from the sun, and also from already all the social interaction the day brought, but it was still incredibly nice to meet with these ones that pulled through the two years of hardcore mugging together. Old jokes came up, that were still very funny, and the way we interacted with each other was the same as always. That familiarity is always comforting, and perhaps change is not the only constant. In the midst of change, and how perhaps we are not the same people we were three years ago when we were together in school, I think the fact that we shared those two years together definitely doesn’t change, and that will always be something that holds us together. Us, not just in the classmates I met today, but when you share moments with people I suppose. But us, as in me and my classmates specifically too. Thank you guys for loving me (im assuming you do) and making time to meet up. would choose you guys over 59 scoops of cbc. 60 scoops tho, may be a tough decision.
coming home everyday to pa, ma, en, buddy and most importantly my bed has been really really wonderful too.
Being away has made me realized that Singapore is still home after all.
