halfway through asian american art history, clare googled a home solution to get rid of gnats and told shelby they need to go to jewel-osco to pick up apple cider vinegar and suggest they hit up jenis too. shelby asked if i wanna come join. they live 40 minutes by train from where i live and i had a huge portfolio with me a a roll of vellum. i said yeah, if they could wait for me to put my portfolio back. they gave two thumbsup. and clare said they could drive me back after too. shelby waited for us in the lobby after class and we all walked back to my dorm together. we got on the train after i put my stuff down. it was so crowded we were literally squished up against each other. it had been a long time since we have hung out together, i think with school and just life being difficult in general for each of us and i think we each process things pretty individually, so we haven't actually met up or hung out properly in a while. being in the same space was comforting. it had been a long day, and i wasn't feeling the most chatty, but it was hard not to chime in with clare and shelby being really sassy and wanting to add to the sass. it's hilarious. we could be a sitcom.
we get to jeni's and clare tells us for the fifth time that night the new flavours they have. clare has been working for jeni's for a while now, and she loves it there and gets really excited about ice-cream. i mean given everyone gets excited about ice-cream, clare gets like extra excited. they had bramble berry crisp back, then new flavours of churros, dark chocolate peppermint, sweet potato pecan praline and lemon buttermilk frozen yogurt. don't they sound so great without even having to see them? lindsey, the manager of the southport branch was really sweet and chatted with clare for a while while getting us all the flavours we wanted to try. shelby got the lavender, the bramble berry and the lemon and i got the sweet potato, dark chocolate and lemon. clare paid before we could, it was sweet. we sat at the long table and shelby took cute photos of me and clare. and i took a couple of her and clare too. i just realised writing this that that's where we hung out at when we first got back from summer break. and then, clare hadn't gotten a job at jeni's yet. aw. feels. lindsey gave us conversational waffle pieces. shelby's question was about one of the hardest jobs you had to do. clare answered the question with a job that she didn't even do. lol. my question was which states we each had visited. we didn't really need the conversational topics at all lol. it was just cute to read them. we finish up our ice-cream and walk to jewel to pick up the apple cider vinegar.
when we walked in the doors of jewel, it just smelt like christmas. they had these acorns that were cinnamon scented in the doorway and it just brought holiday feels. they were 5 bucks for a bag. i really wanted to get them but i didnt. we picked up the cider and headed back to their place. it was cold out, and this is really cheesy to say, but it didnt feel that cold walking together somehow. and the familiarity of being together again was just really nice, and something i had forgotten. i've just been piling my schedule with work, just because it's been pretty lonely as of late i think just with everyone being busy, and also not feeling up to hanging out or being with people i don't know if work or that came first but it all kind of is a jumbled mess, and also a very drama-filled semester of very high ups but also very low downs. and seeing friends struggle but being helpless is not a good feeling, and struggling to keep my own spirits up when the days get so short and the sunlight gets so little. seasonal affective disorder is real. stockin' up on those vitamin d pills. that just all kind of happened over the semester.
but then again, because of being in the midst of these, these little intimate moments of peace and gladness with friends are very much more noticed, and treasured and precious - be it walking with shelby and clare, grabbing free food with ryan at international thanksgiving, window shopping with liz, being in a cuddle party on hope's bed with hope and farnaz, worshipping with tricia on the guitar in my room, walking back from class with jun, conversations with joseph, courtney reading me childrens' books as i print, portillo's with liv and morgan.. they are these quiet moments in the chaos that are very much more appreciated.
we get back to their place, and we set up the vinegar bowls to catch the gnats. clare cleans out mulder's cage and let's mulder run around. he just goes to the back of the bed and hides. he's cute but such a scaredy pig. i hope he loves clare soon. we get into clare's car and she drives me back downtown. shelby puts on folk songs and they play. the drive is beautiful. and a peace that i haven't felt in a while just washed over me - the feeling of knowing that in spite of struggling, and so many times not wanting to be where i am, i am where i'm supposed to be, with friends whom i love, and who love me and that i am incredibly blessed.
clare stops by the side of the road and i say have a good thanksgiving you guys, they say bye and i cross the street to 162. i head back to my room, and decide to be a grownup - change my sheets and get my laundry into the washing machines. a part of me wishes that i could go home too, and that home wasnt so far away. but then i think about how difficult it is to have friends leave even if it is just for a week, leaving home and familiarity and familiarity and the heat and humidity after winter break would be so much more emotionally challenging, which is why i decided i wasnt going to go home for the winter. and i think it's a good thing. the semesters pass so quick anyway.
happy thanksgiving. eat a lot.
