i have an essay on globalization to write but it's taking me so long to work on it, i decided to come here and write instead.
it's been a frustrating day, these couple of weeks in general have been. i don't think i'm taking care of myself well and i just figured out my exhaustion is probably a result of not drinking enough water. also probably just stress in general. it doesnt help too that my bed is right next to my desk and everytime i feel overwhelmed i just curl up in a ball on my bed which results usually in a 2-3 hour nap. that has been a frequent occurrence lately. and it has just made me very frustrated. but it's my own fault too, so. i'm figuring it out though, it'll be okay.
clare invited shelby and me to have brunch with her parents cos they were visiting and drove her car up from georgia. i reached the station a little early and texted clare to ask if i should get a place at the restaurant. she replied that she was still in the meeting at work (she works at jeni's this ice cream place across from the station) and i said i'd wait for her. i then heard my name being called. and was surprised because no one in chicago would call me out you know. so i turned and i saw two people that looked familiar but did not immediately register. it took a while, but i finally realised they were clare's parents. it's odd, the kind of warmth that kinda just naturally filled my heart and being, the two people that love and care for a dear friend, and the way i know they would care and love me too (esp the way fred always comments on my photos with clare and say that we look like sisters and shelby looks like the adopted sister and how i'd text her mum telling her i'd teach clare chinese tho i really havent tried and i doubt my chinese is anywhere good enough to teach anyone it). they gave me hugs and i asked them how their drive was and little things like that. it was cute.
clare came by a couple minutes after, and we headed to the restaurant where we wanted to eat. we met shelby and decided to hit up another place because there was a 30-40 minute wait. we ended up at this cute pizza/pasta place, that had rad halloween decoration, with the whole ceiling cobwebbed, and spiders and the whole deal. we got a huge salad, clare and her parents shared a deep dish, shelb got nachos and i got eggplant pasta. it was a really nice meal, and the feeling of being hm like in a family unit again was really sweet and pleasant and made me and shelby miss our families a lot. clare's parents are the sweetest and it's rly interesting to see how clare has traits from each of them. clare's mum is rly rly funny in the cutest way. after we ate, we walked to see clare's car just because shelby and me wanted to see her car. we both expected it to be blue or green somehow but it's actually white. they parked it in between these two rows of cute houses, and cos fall's now, all the leaves of the trees are kinda turning red and orange or brown and there were leaves everywhere and it was just a beautiful moment. i dont know if i romanticize things too much in my head. me and shelby said bye to them, and we headed to grab ice-cream at jeni's.
it was really nice catching up with shelby again. i can't remember the last time we hung out together. she's so sweet and real. and always comforting and encouraging in the way she speaks. we were really excited to get ice-cream. jeni's is always worth getting excited about. i tried the root beer because i hadnt tried it in a while. shelby tried the pistachio&honey. i ended up getting the blueberry frozen yogurt and the bourbon pecan in a cup and shelby got the milkiest chocolate and the pistachio in a cone. the last time we were at this jeni's together was when i just got back from summer break and was incredibly jetlagged and shelb clare n me hit up crosby's then jeni's. we caught up regarding what we were both working on and it was comforting to have someone affirm and validate that it's okay to not know what we are doing and that we were both struggling. and somehow struggling together made it okay and more bearable. but also then encouraging each other in our practices. we talked about home and friends a little too. and i'm always thankful for shelby and her company.
we parted and i got on the brown line back to the loop. the train came and i kind of was standing in the middle of two carriages. and decided to board the one on the right. as i walked in, molly turned around and waved to me. molly's my ceramics TA. she has red hair, and a very pleasant disposition. we aren't super close/know each other really well or anything but i always enjoy chatting with her. we talked about school, and art making, and i asked her about her studying in london and what she did between undergrad and grad school. and idk. she's really down-to-earth and it was nice to have someone's company back on a train ride. and meetings like these always make me feel glad, i could have gotten onto the carriage on the left but i didn't. i could have not gotten jeni's with shelby, but i did. you know? would it be called serendipity? i dont know. i do art not english. jk.
the rest of the day was just a humdrum of frustration at not being able to work, then attempting really hard to be focused. i'm trying i really am. so it's okay i guess. having the company of farnaz and hope in the room. conversation with hope about what we're doing in school, and stressing out together about how everyone seems to be doing internships and thinking about their future and talking about fall conference and our tensions about taking a break but having to be around people that we really will love it when it happens and be crazy and hyper together but at the moment seems daunting. and now jun's here too and he did a little victory skip and cheer just now which completely made my day when he helped hope successfully open a can of coconut oil. and i had a conversation with my dad/mum about some things that i was frustrated with and trying to figure out with myself/with them and their experience how to feel/process certain injustices and the realities of how the world is, yet how much should we be responsible/take action. it was just nice to be able to let my thoughts out with them. and i'm very glad i kept food from last night's dinner so i didn't need to cook and clean up today. and there's still more red velvet cake that tricia bought that i will definitely have later maybe with ice-cream.
people are important, always have been and always will be. when everything gets overwhelming, the presence of certain people comes like breaths of fresh air. (i wanted that to be more poetic than it turned out to be but it'll have to do.)
i hope you find your own breaths of fresh air. (i wanted that to be more poetic than it turned out to be but it'll have to do.)
