tingyan.: September 2015

There are times like these - when i truly miss home. more so the people at home (i would not like to be in the haze rn God bless all of you). i'm sitting by the lake right now and today's such a beautiful day. i just walked past someone that looks like sis kassey and missed her suddenly. i remember the first time we met for lunch at bukit timah market. i didn't talk much. and it was pretty awkward. she tried really hard though. i just sat there drinking my juice and eating my food, remembering rebecca loh telling me that's the way to go when i felt awkward.

that was 6 years ago i think. there was just a moment today i wished that she was walking by the lake with me, and we'd sit and talk and catch up for an hour or two (and if she could have brought evan, her newborn with her that would have been amazing). it's not that i want people to physically be here? i mean i do, but not like live here. it would be cool if they could just pop by when we wanted to hang out, then pop back home when we were done. but i suppose technology isnt there yet.

distance is good though. distance is good once in a while. it has taught me to be intentional in spending time with people and catching up with people. and to have time for myself too. lately it's just been very claustrophobic i think. and i've appreciated time alone a lot. be it in my room watching netflix for hours, or walks to and from class, the times i get the room to myself, the ten minutes before family group sweeping up the place and making it seem as though i am a really neat person ha (they will find out eventually though, it's family group. but first impressions still count. i did the dishes. it was great).

i do appreciate people still. i really do. and always will. and so much of me finds joy in connecting. and being with people. it just takes an immense amount of energy. more so than it did maybe 3 years ago? but it's okay. there are people that say there's no such thing as balance. but i think there is. and i think it's important to find that for yourself. there will definitely be moments when the scale is tilted to one side and seems like it'll stay that way - to the extremes of being humanly exhausted by other humans or perhaps humanly exhausted by my own isolation. but then there are also those few times when it feels as though all's good. and i can do life. and i'm glad and excited. those are greatly preferred. and i guess it'll just take time to learn to navigate that. and a lot of patience with myself and others, and forgiveness and grace too. and all in all, always remembering that it is okay to struggle. completely okay. but then also knowing when it's time to get yourself together and know that His strength will carry me through regardless of how weak i feel. and that He is enough for me.

i'm really thankful for friends that keep me sane. i'm gonna stop here because clare doesn't like affection.

i hope you have a wonderful weekend filled with sunshine and happy thoughts and love and everything lovely under the sun.

(disclaimer: lengthy post describing my day feel free to skip to the photos at the bottom)

today was one of the better days since coming back to chicago. i have a thing about being displaced. i take a while to settle back into the routine of things, and i wouldn't say it has been an easy time i suppose. but today was good.

met shelby and clare in the morning at california on the blue line. clare wanted to go to this thing called 'bead buffet'. i had no clue what it was i thought she had a typo and meant bread buffet, but it was actually a bead buffet. and no you don't actually eat beads. the weather was crap this morning when i woke up though, like the sky was pissing on us, as it had been the past few days and it was cold and wet which is never nice. but the time i met them, the clouds had started to clear a little, and the sun was coming up a bit. it made me glad. the bead buffet was at this really cute shop called tusk chicago, and i heard from paige later tonight that the owner of the shop is actually a nurse, and she has the shop on the side. so we walk in and on this huge white table are a ton of really pretty ceramic beads that was truly a feast to the eyes (ha buffet). we looked at the beads for a really long time and decided whether we were going to actually make necklaces. shelby convinced me and clare to, but she didn't. that's how good of a salesperson she is. i wasnt going to initially, but i saw this piece that i couldn't part with. it was this rectangular piece, that was a very nicely glazed ultramarine blue, not all over though, a fifth from the bottom of the bead was left a raw taupe. we chose the beads we wanted and waited for noel, the artist to help us string them together. she was so sweet. she and clare have the same fibers teacher, and they were spazzing about her. and noel told us about how it's crazy how she is now friends with her teachers from saic, and how she cat sits for them, and hangs out with them and things like that. it's always encouraging to see artists from school in action and so excited about the things they do. we were gonna get food after and shelby asked if they had any recommendations. mike, noel's collab partner, said we should hit up this place called dante which has good pizzas. noel finished stringing up our necklaces, and we thanked them and made our way to the pizza place.

the sun had really come up now and the sky was this perfect blue that was amazing. there was a moment where the clouds all came together, and it was just a bright blue above, and then a solid split by the white of the clouds. it was really pretty. it got warmer too. the pizza place was just a small place in the corner that was pretty dimly lit. clare and shelby got a slice of cheese each and i got the slice of the day which was this really good mushroom, spinach and roasted peppers one. we all got cokes. i feel like i hadnt seen shelby and clare in a while (though it's likely only been a day or two but they really are the happy in my life lately and not seeing them for a while always feels like a long time) and it was nice to just hang out. we parted ways after, they were headed to riot fest, and i headed back to the dorms where i passed out for like two hours.

i needed to get groceries and probably needed to just get out of the dorms for a bit, i threw on sweatpants, and a hoodie and a cap to protect the world from my hideous hair, and headed down to the lobby. jubilee said she'd come. i told her not to dress so nicely cos i looked like crap. she texted back 'too late' cos she'd been out earlier. and i was like crap. HAHA. she came down looking stunning in a cute green trench and i think a black skirt, a dark red lip and really cute black boots. i was like thanks. she looked at me and laughed. i let her. i caught up with her a little about school and things, and we lugged all our groceries back. it's always nice to have company for mundane errands.

i was putting away the stuff i bought when paige texted to ask if i wanted to check out the openings happening at west loop. i was intending to work on my drawings that are due tuesday, but i hadn't properly hung out with her one on one yet, and i've wanted to so i said why not. she said she'd meet me in the loop in a bit. i threw on better clothes lol. and started slowcooking porridge that i wanted to have for breakfast for the next few days, also clearing out the meat in my fridge before i'm supposed to attempt to be pescaterian while clare attempts to be vegan.

i met paige and we headed to the galleries together. i havent properly gallery hopped since i got to chicago (which is crazy considering i've been at art school for a whole year, it's just that crowds scare me and openings have people, many people. also, perhaps just plain laziness, and also no one to go with at times), and it was really exciting seeing works, and i appreciated having other people around. it just added to the atmosphere of the galleries, and i think it kind of makes the art come alive too, and not just have them sit in a white box. we bumped into acquaintances here and there, and it was nice to catch up or at times just say hi to people i hadnt seen since the semester started. we hit up the galleries along washington boulevard. there were these 5 galleries that were all in the same building on the first and the second floor. i loved this piece by jessica stockholder, the colours were just brilliant and the way she used material and how she put them together was interesting and engaging.

we headed back down to the first floor, and i somehow think it's something divine that i decided we should hit up the second floor first cos when we entered the first floor gallery and started walking around, i saw elisabeth heying and taylor hughes! and it was just a pleasant surprise. i hadnt seen elisabeth in the longest time since she graduated so the whole of summer and the new semester - and seeing her is always comforting somehow. she gave me a huge hug. we caught up a little bit, and it's so exciting to hear that she's enjoying the things she's doing and i'm really glad for her. walking down to the other galleries, i was just thankful for the people i've come into contact with over the past year - i've truly been blessed by the opportunity to meet amazing, driven individuals that are really motivated and are so confident in the things they do. and are just beautiful human beings in general. and i was just thankful.

we hit up a couple other galleries after, then decided to get dinner. paige and i had really good conversations along the way, and i realised we were much more similar than i had known - in terms of the way we function as people, and think. and also i think the struggles in our faith that we face too were similar. it was just comforting to hear that i wasn't alone in the things that i thought and struggled with. we spent like probably at least an hour and a half to two hours at chinatown, and ate a lot, by a lot i mean a lot. of chicken fried rice. along with baby bok choy and egg rolls. it was a very full meal. but the fried rice was so good. paige's invitation to gallery hopping together was very timely.

i feel like God always sends the right people at the right time to remind me of how He provides, and how He is there for me, and i'm not walking life alone. and i'm very blessed and immensely thankful.