Visiting the US was very bittersweet. Hanging out with all my friends again was very surreal. it felt like each of us had moved on with our own lives, but all at the same time, like nothing had really changed at all. Hanging out with Shelby and Clare in Shelby and Finley's apartment reminded me of all the nights in Shelby and Clare's dorm room @ jones or their apartment in lakeview. we were still us. the friendship we have is something special - there's been so much history, moments where i wasn't sure if we were going to make it through but here we all still are (for better or worse lol).
clare flew with me to chicago and back to new york - & even though we did not have a sit-down, planned/scheduled one-on-one, the conversations before we fell asleep on the air mattress, waiting to board our flights, in the cab to and from the airport were more than enough. It's kind of how our friendship has always been - there in the in-between moments, our art too funnily enough.
i heard shelby getting ready to take brigg's for a walk the first full day we were in chicago and i sprung up quickly to brush my teeth so i could join them. it was a cold morning. we walked and talked about nothing in particular but it felt like any other morning as if i hadnt left. i recall meetups at coffee shops to work (or "work"), walking home together, being each other's main companion when clare was away. i'd always remember how she drove me to the beach on the way to the airport when i made the sudden trip home when my grandma passed away. sometimes it's not the words exchanged, but a friend's presence and them knowing exactly what you need in that moment.
one of the nights, there was a tornado warning. we didn't really know how serious it was but with all adversity, the four of us made wry jokes to ease the tension while we monitored the situation outside. at some point, someone suggested that it was probably the time to head down to the basement as the winds were picking up. we sat on blankets in the dark. briggs walked around curiously but warily (he's always on edge). finley or shelby or their neighbour i can't remember now, joked about how chicago wanted to give me and clare a spectacular welcome. there wasn't a tornado in the end.
while attempting to navigate the tornado warning, jen and i were trying to coordinate dinner. we were meant to meet at 7 but the warning lasted till around 7.30pm. ti was kinda crazy how things were looking pretty serious at one moment, and the next, the sun was out again as though we weren't hiding in the basement a half hour ago.
jen and i saw each other from a distance and ran - very dramatically romcom style - to give each other a hug. it was all the more dramatic post-tornado warning and everything was still wet from the storm. there was barely enough time to catch up about the 4 years in between. we laughed so hard, recalled memories, exchanged major life updates and promised that we'd really have to play clue again the next time we met. the trash talking awaits still.
"It's like you never left," Caroline announced as she showed me around her and Tieg's new place in bridgeport. it was such a lovely home - with studio space for her to work, being close to her job and her friends. she seemed to almost float around the space and there was such content in how she spoke about her life. we talked about art, politics, money and a lot of other topics in between. she truly seemed happy and content to make work because she wanted to, and read and learn. there was a thirst for more knowledge, skills and more of life but not to a point of striving, which is such a hard balance to navigate. we were in a painting class together at ox-bow with clare a couple years ago. i asked if she remembered it and her thoughts about it. she said she thinks about that class a lot so it must have been good in some way or another.
i walked to a pho shop we used to frequent with great pho and smoothies. abe greeted me excitedly with a hug. i almost couldn't recognise him but his joy was infectious. "tell me everything ting. everything." i laughed. he said he knew our paths would cross again because he never got to say bye properly when i left chicago for good. we talked a lot about guarding our energy and also the kind of work we want to make vs what we thought we were expected to make. how we each relate to art/making and our own practices have changed and should change over time. it was enlightening to hear and exchange perspectives post-college.
as each meetup concluded (there were more too i love you all friends i didnt have the stamina to write about everything), i thought about how i wouldn't see my friends for another few years, but then also feel so incredibly grateful to be able to hangout again and for many pick-ups where we left off as if i had never left.
this trip was really a reminder of all the relationships i had built in my second home. a home so far away, yet often feels closer than it is.
waving bye to stephanie from the cab to jfk, my eyes started to well up. it had been such a rich and wonderful time in new york too. we had hung out the most on this trip to the US and there was always more things to laugh about, more stories to tell, more jokes to exchange. moments that stuck out to me:
- standing in central park listening to these amazing buskers - stephanie would not stop singing one of the songs they sang in the last few days. she'd sing it before we slept, on the streets (with dancing), on the train...
- people-watching in washington square park/people-watching in general/ overhearing conversations of new yorkers and discussing it afterwards
- making breakfast together in the mornings
- completing the puzzle + painting (though i did most of the painting) and watching JLo's half-time show
- eating udon twice @ raku and walking 20,000+ steps on multiple days
- walking around the town of beacon
