it's been really hot in singapore lately and it's just making me feel extremely sluggish and lethargic mostly. teaching assistantship started for our batch of nie students last week, where we go back to the school we did contract teaching at for a month. it was really nice being back, and welcomed by both the staff and students. it just felt like coming home. it didnt take long to settle back in, and it felt like i had never left.
that said, suddenly resuming teaching is also very exhausting, and my body has not gotten used to it yet. the ache in my legs on friday got me in bed before 10pm. it's always hard to feel like it's justified to rest, especially in the society we grow up in - where productivity is sometimes overly glorified. in order to be productive, one needs to be well-rested. i learnt this in therapy when i kept feeling guilty for taking breaks and not completing the tasks i had set out to do. my therapist said, sometimes all it takes is for you to give yourself permission to rest. that helps to assuage the guilt. i did that yesterday, and it was really nice just to be okay with doing nothing, and to sleep, and to spend time with my family.
i turn 25 today. it's a little crazy how fast time flies. I feel like time passes at a decent pace, until you hit like 20 and after that it just feels like you're chasing after it, half the time you don't know where it has gone. i stole my parents' anniversary when i was born. they have never bore a grudge against me though haha. since i was young it's always been more about my birthday than their anniversary. i do think that as you grow older, birthdays kinda just become another day. and personally, i don't feel the need to make a big deal about it. i love just spending time with my loved ones. we had dinner together at home, just the four of us (without the boys hahaha which i'm sure my dad was happy about), and lazed around watching tv. my sister and i tried to hide the cakes and bubble tea we bought for mom and dad respectively very well in the fridge. it's hard to hide anything from my mom because she knows her fridge inside out. but i think we did a pretty decent job. we surprised them and had cake, and watched a movie.
they insisted i stay awake till 12, though i was already half asleep. at 11.45pm, they said okay we'll spare you go and get your cake from the fridge. i was like you're really gonna make me get my own cake??? HAHA but went anyway. i felt like something was off. i was very cautious when going into the kitchen, and opened the fridge, but didn't see anything inside. i looked around the kitchen but there was nothing amiss. when i turned to look back in the fridge, bryan jumped out from behind the counter and i jumped. he was holding a bouquet from tiong bahru market (which is the only place i allow him to buy flowers from cos they are cheaper HAHA). my sister and parents laughed from the living room.
i'm very thankful for light and love, especially now when everything seems heavy. on friday i just felt like everything was too much. it's important that we are in touch with our emotions. it's okay not understand why we feel a little down sometimes, but it is important to take time for ourselves, and also for others. looking beyond ourselves at times helps keep the bigger picture in mind.
i hope everyone is keeping well, and drinking water, and thanking the people who are helping us to all keep safe.
