writing has always been a form of catharsis. it's 2.43am. i am sitting on my bed, unable to fall back to sleep. or am i afraid of falling asleep because of the dreams that i have that come so close to reality, that i switch between my dream world and reality when i wake up, questioning what really happened.
tomorrow would mark 6 months being home in singapore. it's been good mostly. i really enjoy spending time with my family, waking up and knowing when they'd be home, coming home to hot meals, knowing that if i needed anything, they are only a call away/a short drive from me. i've learnt a different kind of independence i think - one that involves dependency, maybe it isn't that lonely after all to be in this world - that being independent does not mean total lack of reliance on anyone at all - that people do try to understand what you feel and support you in the way you best know how. and all you gotta do is say thank you.
i really enjoy working with children. they have such an authenticity that is refreshing. their desire to really share with you about this new sticker their mom gave them, or something that happened to them the day before, or their excitement about going to a playground after class. i'm thankful to have found something i love doing, and am excited for january to come, fingers-crossed all will be smooth sailing, or even if it's not i'll have the capacity to adapt and cope well.
alex and i went to a book fair the other day. we reached there just as the rain started pouring outside. it was a tiny room packed with books and people who loved books. we were mostly trapped until the rain stopped being so heavy. we both bought books, and were very excited to read them. there was also a craft fair nearby, so we went to that too. it was really invigorating being surrounded by makers and other creatives. my bag making has kinda slowed down - both due to work, and also maybe laziness, and also exhaustion. i want to have the passion to make again. i think it's just something i have to keep being persistent about in spite of everything else happening.
i was sick for the past two days. i hate being sick. it just confines you to the bed, and your body is just like limp and smells gross and cant do anything. health is always taken for granted. thank you for coming and accompanying me as i drifted in and out of sleep. you make me feel safe and i am thankful.
