i'm sitting on my couch, crying and trying to get lesson plans, presentations, and worksheets completed at the same time. pathetic, is what i feel. even though i know i'm not. im reading up about this artist tatyna fazlalizadeh, she's such a badass wheatpasting portraits of women with statements against sexual harassment all around cities. i wonder if i'll ever do such badass things. cheryl says i already am one.

i miss my family especially much, it's the first christmas im going to spend away from them. i remember i tried to freshmen year and i couldnt do it. i ended up wasting a ticket and flying home. some days i think chicago is home, walking the streets alone - gallery hopping, checking out parks by myself, going to various schools, feeling like this isn't just college, but some sort of life i have built up for myself. yet somedays, it just isn't home. my body feels out of place, a foreignness plagues the apartment i live in, the street which my feet walk upon, the air my lungs inhale.

some days, i am a child. i just want to be home with mum and dad, the sister and bud.

you think you find home in people, in friends, some days it feels like it, other days it feels like finding home in yourself is your safest bet. then again, when you're crazy like that, half the time you are running away from yourself.