6 of us, 1 apartment, a lot of songs, one very good night.

fine i am sentimental

i was telling jo last night on the way back from chinatown, that i was not a very sentimental person. he kinda laughed and hinted that i definitely was. and i definitely am. maybe not in the same way of him feeling the need to document everything, or to collect memories, but i think i do it in my own way. writing has always been a way in which i catalogue things. this whole blog, journals in general. these are the moments lately, that have made me very glad:

i was just lying in bed today, after getting back from a very good lunch at nando's with liz (they have sooo many sauces, idk why i didnt have it in singapore - wait maybe cos there's like hokkien mee, and laksa, and chicken rice, and prawn mee, and satay and ice kachang ain't nobody got time for nandos). i fell asleep for close to four hours, and wasn't ready to get out of bed. i got on youtube and started watching vlogs. and the way vlogs are curated just makes it feel like everyone else's lives seem so much more interesting and exciting. but i often forget they just exclude all the mundane stuff - and it's completely fine they do i dont actually wanna watch a 24 hour vlog and know when they go pee and stuff - but it does make life look a lot more idealistic than it is at times. and just sat on my bed and was wondering what i was doing with my life. i texted jo and was like ay we need to have more adventures. and he's like we just went to chinatown at midnight last night is that not adventure enough. i laughed. i think i'll do a backwards thing, cos that's how i am processing things right now, moments that i want to remember.

meeting julia tonight was nice even though i did debate rescheduling just cos i have a paper due tomorrow that i have yet to start on (ha jk i just checked and my teacher extended the deadline wuhu). just hanging out over food and catching up a little, and getting through these two weeks. 

being in the heat press room today churning out my pages for the book i'm making made me feel very accomplished. having to share equipment, though i gripe about it a ton, helps me interact with people more. i think having to say that is a little sad, the way we retreat to our phones and own devices nowadays, but it's what it is. and having to share the heat press today, i talked to a girl who's a junior and it wasn't a significant conversation per se. she said she liked the colors on my pages, and i was like thanks and asked if she was enjoying the class she was in. and really simple stuff like that. there was a moment too when another student came in and was heat pressing something, and her teacher was like helping her out. she started saying that she didn't know if she really liked what she was making. and the teacher was like "i don't think you do". i made eye contact with the teacher and laughed. and it is just like these moments that i have had on my own, where i get told that i am just doing something for the sake of completing it, that i don't actually really like it and the best option is to just start over instead of trying to make something i am not satisfied with better but actually just adding nonsense on nonsense, like misprinting the last huge print i did. the teacher came by and asked what i was working on and whose class i was in. i was like "making a book, i'm in liz's class". 

going with jo to chinatown to grab food after a long, exhausting day was wonderful. we usually go to this one or two restaurants that open till 12 or 2am, but were both sick of those two places. i yelped this place called golden bull and we decided to try it out. it was soooo gooood. like the best chinese food we have had, and not super pricey also. the people running the shop were really sweet too, like we had a conversation with them and they were like 在这里读两年为什么没有进来吃? and we 're like 我们一定会常来，带我们全部的朋友来! i think the manager was malaysian. rly testing my chinese tho oops. that i need to buck up on. 

the moment i opened the door and saw lauren, and sarah sitting on the floor, each holding a plate of pancakes and a huge jar of nutella. it just warmed my heart so much and made me laugh a little. i had been crying the whole hour before and trying to get myself together and thinking whether or not to cancel group that night because i just didnt feel up to it. but i thought about the many times when jo or tri each didnt feel up to it too and still made the choice to turn up and come as they were. and how that is community and nobody expects each other to be all put together and have everything together. i had really bad anxiety the whole day during class, and was trying to keep it together while having my heart try to beat out of my chest, and just being hyper aware of people around me and what i was feeling. and then having to be somewhere else after, then not knowing what to do for group that night either. family group started at 7, i pulled myself together at like 6.57, opened the door. and it was just like God saying, "hey it's gonna be okay. these weirdos just brought you pancakes and nutella and don't have syrup but it's okay you have honey. tonight is going to be good". and it was. 

becca came to visit a couple days back too!! her boyfriend had just graduated from umich, and she was in chicago for a couple days. she told me this back in i wanna say march, but i had completely forgotten about it till she posted a photo of her at brandon's graduation. we got in touch and decided where to meet and everything. i met them at the modern wing of the museum and brought them around columbus. she wanted to see what art school was like. we were art classmates in sec 3-4, so thats like sec 3 was 6 years ago. i hadnt seen her since graduating secondary school, so this was the first time we were meeting in 5 years. both her and brandon got really excited about the school facilities. and it just made me stop in thought a little, and realise how thankful i was and how it was such a privilege to be able to study what i am studying, and to make work, and to have the facilities that we have. we headed to wicker park after, and had a really good meal at the bongo room. she gave me green tea kit kats, which have been comfort food in the midst of trying to rush projects and papers and packing (alliteration right there). we walked around and i got this really ugly but amazing vintage jacket from ragstock, and we popped by jeni's because you can't go to wicker and not go to jeni's. my heart sank a little when we had to say bye, it was so so great catching up with her and hearing how well she's doing. and a familiar face from home is always really nice. 

sunday after church, after lunch, jo wanted to get coffee to help him get started on work (he has this new sweatshirt that says 'insert coffee to start'), so tricia and me went along too. and while we were walking there, i think i was complaining or whining about work or packing or just being stressed out as i was. and jo and tricia were just really really encouraging. i think we were walking along west randolph street, outside macy's and jo was on my left and tricia was on my right. and jo was like "we're the positivity twins" and i was like "im the negative" and jo was like "witch". i laughed. tricia read me a really sweet poem that she wrote for me for my birthday too, and it made me almost tear up. i'm so immensely immensely thankful for the people that God has brought alongside me in this foreign land, that has come to be a second home. disclaimer though, that i am just listing really good moments now, there have been so many times i just felt like death or have had big conflicts with friends, they happen, like they do to everyone. but these other moments make up for those. 

and that one night i hung out with ryan and tricia and it was really nice. tricia texted me in the morning and asked if i was free at night to check out her area with her, and pick up furniture from this girl to bring to her place. she asked the rest if they were free too. nobody really said anything so we assumed it was just the two of us. after iv, jo said he wanted to grab dinner together too, so the three of us went to joanie cafe (it's actually hing kee but it was the place where tricia and me first brought our old roommate joanie to eat chinese food so it has henceforth been known as joanie cafe) in chinatown for food. tri and i always order the same things to share, be it at chi (this other restaurant we always hit up) or joanie - kang kong, chicken, egg tofu. we talked about a lot of things over dinner. jo left after, and me and tricia started heading to the place to pick up the stool when ryan texted to ask whats the plan. he hadnt eaten and was waiting for us to end the meeting but we didnt know. we asked him to just come along anyway we'd go check out tricias place then find another place to eat. and he as like nah i dont want to trouble you guys, then what yall just watch me eat? and im like ya. we want to watch you eat. im glad he decided to come in the end. we met him near tricia's place and we all went up to see it. i'm really happy things worked out for her for housing. her place is super cute and well-priced for the location and how big it is too for one person. we hit up velvet taco after, and it wasnt a big thing, but it was just really nice to hang out with them, and catch up a little, and talk about things, but also being comfortable in just each other's presence.

getting texts from people at home too has been keeping me sane - nic, sarah, dom (not technically at home but), sam, janine, andrew, siskassey, aaron, rachel. and the parents and sister of course. mom texting me every time before she goes to sleep and whenever she wakes up, or is worried that i didn't get up for class. or dad asking me to check out his new photos, and them telling me about all the food they are eating, 'testing' out the places so they can bring me when i get home.

other things i just want to have a note of:

brunch with caro/going to joanns together/seeing her in the hallway

lunch with annie and caro

hanging out with sarah and lauren while they painted/ ice-cream with them
jun letting me eat his coffee sweets, and i also stole his seaweed hehe

liz walking home with me and waiting for me to dapao food when i get too lazy to cook/coming over to eat with me

liz ensz talking with me about my work

richard deutsch showing me paintings by hammershoi

viraj thanking me for a semester of working together with the middle school painting class

conversation with sam jaffe in class about art ed

chatting with sarah-ann on her birthday

times/conversations with hope/her patting me on the head before she goes to bed

farnaz being farnaz, thanking me for taking out the trash once, when she does it all the time/checking if im doing okay making sure im functional

i hope you (whoever is reading this) are doing okay :) may you take joy in sunshine, people around you, food, any little thing that's worth being thankful or glad about. have a wonderful rest of the week and weekend, sending love your way.