Jesus,

Jehovah Rophe, Our Lord who Heals 
Jehovah Tsidkenu, The Lord our Righteousness 
Jehovah Shalom, The Lord our Peace 
Jehovah Nissi, The Lord our Banner 
Jehovah Shammah, The Lord is Present 
Jehovah Tsaba, The Lord of Armies 
Jehovah Jireh, The Lord will Provide 
Jehovah Rohi, The Lord is my Shepherd 
Jehovah Mekeddeshem, The Lord Who Sanctifies 
Jehovah Adonai, The Lord Our Master 
Jehovah Elohim, The Lord Our Creator

i promise you the same

curled up on one of the couches at maclean today

looking down at the lake

and millennium park

and grant park

and the art institute

and the field museum

and the planetarium

and michigan

peace came to stay for a bit

if i could, i would have stayed the whole night

just to sit on the couch with peace

and assurance

and safety 

and comfort

for more than just an hour and a half

//

Would you walk with me

All the way through

Promise 

promise you'll never leave

Promise me your hand to hold

Your ears to listen

Promise me

That when I stop functioning

you'll sit with me

And hold me

So tight 

Until it passes 

Because it always does

I promise you the same. 

it's a weird day.

tomatoes and onions and mushrooms in an omelette make a good combination
i didn't like orange juice today but i drank a cup anyway
it was nice out
daniel looked nice in his suit today
he was looking for zilu
she was outside
zilu's bachelorette party went well
joseph
i got a lot of coins
we put it in the tip jar
i should have gotten the ribeye
the jacket i got off craigslist smells like kimchi
i don't have any laundry to do
i want to wear it though
blick should sell wooden embroidery hoops
i'm stuck with an ugly plastic yellow one
shelby and clare knocked so many times
the chacos did not fit them
i gave them hugs
i like seeing them
i fell asleep a lot
i sometimes think my bed is evil
andrew sent me a custom made throw pillow
it's beautiful
i just want to hug it all day long
of running together, and art, and special juice, and hunger games
home in a throw pillow
semblances of home
i scroll through instagram
and facebook
too much
too often
too long
i wrote 5 pages of my essay
i have 5 pages to go
i'm not looking forward to waking up
hope came by to say hi
i ate some of sonia's churros
i miss janine
packing needs to be done soon
and the three installations that i need to start working on too
it's time for bed
i never go to bed on time
it's not actually time for bed
it was time for bed 3.5 hours ago
i hope tomorrow is better
but it's already tomorrow right now
i don't
know

the best place to be

i need to write because there are a whole bunch of thoughts just in my head and it's becoming a huge cloud that is overwhelming me. i don't really know what about it is overwhelming, maybe writing will help me figure it out. i don't really know what to write about i think i'll just go chronologically with significant things of the past few days.

friday found me with morgan and liv, sitting on the 14th floor of maclean, before the lake, and maggie daley, and traffic and everything 14 floors below us, with sushi from osaka. it was nice to have all of us together again. i think i've just enjoyed being with people lately. i haven't been the best at making conversations, i never have been, but even worse so lately, but i stopped beating myself up about that and just enjoying the presence and company of friends. we visited the art sale too, which was so cool!!! i want to have a booth eventually and sell stuff. i dont know what yet though. i havent made a lot of art this semester, which stresses me out a bit. a lot of my classes have just been experimental, and i haven't been making pieces that can go into my portfolio. it just makes me anxious to see people around me make so many great pieces, and i have a room full of junk, with bits and pieces from half-pieces, or tests for pieces. but then again, i always think about how the semester has been, and how much i have learnt and grown as an artist the past few months. and i stop being anxious cos i know that the tests and the experiments are processes that are helping me to grow, and i feel like i've learnt so much more about art, about myself, about people this semester experimenting, slowly becoming okay with, and even embracing the idea of not knowing, and just making things in an attempt to figure things out, instead of fully conceptualising a piece and having it be exactly what i had intended to make. i've been looking at ernesto neto's stuff a lot lately, and he said in one of his interviews:

"If nothing changes, if you end up with something that’s just as you planned it, then you haven’t created art.”  

I believe in that. i believe that the process of making will definitely affect the eventual piece. i sat with liv after morgan left, and we just talked for a bit. and it's always so comforting to be with her. 

saturday's fibers class was one of the best ever. liz is the best. clare and me want to be liz when we grow up. we had a really short crit about the embroideries that we did, and liz gave a few presentations. we made her talk about her work. which was really interesting to hear and the process and how artists reach the place they are in the present always excites and intrigues me and makes me wonder and also enjoy the process of my own journey as an artist, and think about what it will be to look back in 10-20 years and what my artist talk will be like. i've been thinking a lot about the future lately, which isnt always the best thing to think about because you kinda lose your present self a little, and i get spacey. but i talked to dad and mum that day and was just assured that things will work out. hanging out with taylor one of the days too, she was just mentioning the assurance of God working things out. and i'm at a good place again i would like to think. of just embracing the not knowing, and embracing the figuring things out, and not trying to rush myself into finding answers, but processing the problems and questions through my work and the things that i do/the people i hang out with. and just trying to be more present i think would be the phrase to use. 

morgan and i went to the movies that night, and to cheesecake factory. it was a mini celebration for finishing up our core video project and how the stopmotion turned out pretty well in the end. it was really fun working with her all those nights in her room, eating chocolate and strawberries and tacos and complaining a lot, but still putting in a huge lot of effort to make the video the best we could. you can check it out here: Untitled (Home is a Box). we had to wait such a long time for our food, but all food and cheesecake and lemonade were amazing. i'm really glad we're both in the dorms next semester too. 

clare and shelby had their show opening on sunday which was so great! i was so excited for them and the show came together really well. i dont know what i'd do without clare and shelby. i think we all go crazy together. or clare and me are weird together, and shelby just puts up with us. but i know she loves us. we went to jeni's to get ice-cream today after clare and me dyed fabric the whole morning. we went into a shop to see plants. cos. they wanted to buy plants. lol. but. they didnt end up buying any plants. i met courtney at damen and we spent a couple hours by the lake. it was such a beautiful day today too. there's something about the lake. and something about courtney. they both have a special place in my heart :) 

also, constants like jo, jun, ryan, hope, sonia, tricia, yuka are always always appreciated. 

i think im done with my spiel. i don't really know where i was going with this. i think i'm just thankful for His faithfulness, the way He brings people to me, and takes me out of my situation to show me what He sees, and how that is good and I need not fear or be anxious. I am always brought back to that place of knowing/assurance that I am where He desires me to be, and that's really the best place to be. 

 core gang

 only the best class ever?

potate pizza understands i am a burrito.

 movie with morgan

 some of the best people

 clare you so beautiful

 we need to go. eat stuff.

you keep me sane a lot jo

we go to chinatown too frequently

i wish you a wonderful week ahead and that His peace be with you beautiful person.

awkward conversations while sharing an umbrella

"I'm John by the way"

"I'm Ting"

"Are you heading to Columbus?"

"Yeah"

"What class are you taking?"

"Painting"

"Is that what you do?"

"Yeah."

"What about you?"

"Installations"

"Oh cool."

"Oh the rain's stopped"

"Yeah, it's been going on and off. caught me offguard"

"uhm, bye"

"yeah"

there's something about rain.

skyping with tan makes the distance seem so much closer. it's weird to see her through a screen and feel as though we are right across from each other. but once the call hangs up, it's as if that dimension closes, and i'm alone in my room again. but i'm thankful though, and always reminded of the friends that have walked with me through the many years, and chosen to stick through things with me even though i may not be the easiest, or the most fun person to be with at times. distance is a weird thing, it separates, yet brings together. i wonder if we will all be in the same country again eventually. maybe. maybe not. but i'll take whatever comes - be it just days that we have together when we're all at home, or travelling to visit each other, or just conversations over skype, or text, or whatsapp. i'll take whatever.

christmas three years ago