it's been a while.
the thought of leaving everything behind has left me with very mixed feelings. some days i feel as if everything will be okay, like i'm strong enough, like it's not going to be very difficult to be away from home. it's not as if we can't skype, or can't be in contact, it's just that i'm going to be a tad further away. other days, i feel as if it's not going to be okay. and it's not going to be easy to leave. just cos home's still where family is. friends are.
there are a lot of baggages and burdens that i look forward to leaving behind. leaving behind the places that hold unpleasant memories, that reek of distasteful relationships, of times when things were not okay.
yet, it's also the leaving behind of the places that remind me of the people i love, the fond memories of joy, laughter, peace, or times that felt as if the world stopped just for me, for the loved ones with me. i think i'll miss the walks home from the bus stop. and looking up at the stars. and feeling as though they are in my reach. and i'm where i'm comfortable, and loved, and comfortable.
but i know that everything will work out in the end. and that i'm in His will. i'm going to study what i love, and go into the field i can see myself in. and new friends will come my way. and He's gone before me and will be with me, and will fight for me. and that His grace is sufficient.
i guess in this moment, i just want to remember to love myself, and to do more of what makes me happy - hang out with the people that i enjoy hanging out with, to make more art, to be unafraid to make new friends, and i want to hear more stories. i think stories are great. and to have good conversations. and to love. and be loved. i want to always make a deliberate effort to notice the beauty around me. and to never take what i have for granted. and to always keep close to Him.
chicago's going to be great, i'm excited. 4 weeks!
